First Day of Preschool...

Today was the first day of preschool for our sweet Little Miss. She's been counting the days since Wild Man went back a few weeks ago. It was "sooooo unfair" that HE got to go back to school and SHE did not.

Our little early bird was dressed and ready for school by 6 AM. One little problem. Preschool doesn't start until 9. She was bouncing off the walls all morning with backpack and lunch bag in hand. When you're four years old, three hours is a long time to wait for the first day of preschool to begin.

She was over the moon until we pulled into the parking lot. Then shy and timid Little Miss made her appearance. She agreed to let me take her picture with her new teachers but couldn't muster a happy smile. We'll settle for the nervous smile instead. Bless her heart.
By 2:00 pick up she was smiling from ear to ear. She had a fabulous day! She loves her new teachers and has a few little friends from last year in her class. What more could a girl ask? We're looking forward to a fantabulous (final--sniff sniff) year of preschool.

Meant to Be...

After my blahblahblah from yesterday, I thought I would sum it up with this...

Why?

A few days ago I was cornered into THE conversation. The one I try hard to avoid.

The one that usually begins in the presence of my children with "why".
Why adoption? Why international adoption? Why China? Why adopt when you can have children of your own?

From there it slowly moves toward the "what and how".
What is wrong with her? How do you fix that? What a lucky little girl she is...

Can I tell you how awkward this conversation is for me? With people who are genuinely interested in adoption, I am more than happy to share. Please hear me when I say this. If you want to talk adoption, I can talk adoption all week long. I can talk adoption until you no longer want to talk adoption. Seriously. Ask my husband. But with strangers? Stranger people who are simply being nosey or malicious, I want to plug my babies ears and tell them to stick it. In so many words. With a few not so nice words mixed in.

"What is wrong with your kid?"
"Does she speak HUMAN?"
"Why did you adopt one of THOSE kids?"
"Can you fix THAT so she will look normal?"

Each and every time these questions surface I am dumbfounded. Most of the time I spit out one of many scripted answers and we move on as quickly as possible. Other times I don't even know how to answer. I want to scoop up my children and run. I want to hide them from the world that awaits them. I want to hide her from the words of those people. Those people who only see her on the outside. The people who can't get past the almond eyes and the dark hair. The people who act as if her precious face is open for discussion. Guess what stranger people? It isn't!

So what's a Momma to do? I know. I know. I know I need to answer with kindness and grace but what I really want to do is punch them in the nose. Fiercely. With everything in me.

I want to shout and kick and scream and yell about their insensitive and hurtful comments.

I want to ask them if they would ask such questions about someone else's husband or friend in the middle of Target? Why is it any different when the questions are about a child?

I want to tell them that God's heart is to see children in families--children from China, Seattle, Guatemala, Africa, Houston, Russia, Atlanta or anywhere in between.

I want to tell them she is as much "my own" as the two that came before her.

I want to shout it at the top of my lungs...THERE. IS. NOTHING. WRONG. WITH. OUR. DAUGHTER! She is PERFECT just the way God made her on the day she was born! I want them to see her for the beautiful Mei Mei she is. Not by her hair or her eyes or her special need.

I want to make them understand that Mei Mei is not "lucky". WE are the ones who have been blessed by HER...not the other way around.

I want them to know we do NOT NEED THEIR APPLAUSE OR APPROVAL! Some seem to believe if they end their rude intrusive conversation with something like "Well, you are such a good person for taking care of her". WHAT? WE ARE NOT TAKING CARE OF HER! WE ARE NOT BABYSITTING! SHE IS OUR DAUGHTER PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!

So the next time someone asks me "Why?" I'm going to ask them the same... "Why do you want to know?" I'm ready to see someone else squirm their way out of that awkward conversation (instead of me). Someday Mei Mei will take her cues from us. If we tuck our tails and walk away we are teaching her she has something to be ashamed. Something we shouldn't talk about. That's not the case. Is Mei Mei adopted? No. Mei Mei WAS adopted. Big difference. Until the world begins to see it my way, the inner Mama Bear will be ready and waiting to pounce.

One Year Ago Today...

These little letters graced the blog. It was the end of the paperwork and the beginning of the "Destination: CHINA" whirlwind. A lot has changed since that exciting day. A lot. Over the next month I'll be flashing back to many important dates and milestones in 2009. Can't wait...

Going Back to China...

Well, not actually the Womble 5 but it's as close to China as we're going to be for a while. After that title I'm pretty sure a few of you need to put your jaw back into the upright position. :-) Now, look closely...
What do you see?
Something familiar?
Besides the huge plane.
Think Jansport.
Lower left corner.
Do you see it?

It's the green backpack. The ole girl has seen us through college, overnight trips and vacations. {Yes, our backpack is a girl in case you were wondering}. She's even traveled around the world and for the next two weeks she'll be in the process of doing it once again. Lucky girl! Oh how I wish I could have crawled in and tagged along but I'll have to settle for a photo.

A photo of our beloved green backpack.
Strapped around the arms of our dear and precious friend.
Boarding an Air China flight for the 2nd time in her "life".
On her way to meet a new baby.
To witness another miracle unfold.
To watch another family grow.
To see and smell and taste and experience the place.
The place that has settled quietly between the beat of my heart.

China...
{sigh}
until my feet are planted firmly upon you once again...
I'll live vicariously through our green backpack...
because she's as close to that piece of my heart as I can be...

for now...

Back "2" School...

Wild Man went back "TWO" school today as an official SECOND grader. Wait! A second grader? Are we old enough to have a 2nd grader? Apparently we are. {Sigh} I vow not to be nostalgic. I will not blahblahblah about how he SHOULD NOT be in 2nd grade. I will not admit to being a little teary while walking behind him down the second grade hall. Nope. I will not. I will also not admit I was relieved to hear the bickering and sighs of boredom fade into the distance with each passing minute. Goodbye dog days of summer. Hello routine and structure for all. He has been SO READY to go back to school and see his friends. He really missed them. This year he is in a class of 17 but with only one classmate from Kindergarten. He was a little unsure about that lineup. Before school we talked a lot about how to have a friend you have to be a friend. He was a little nervous but by the end of the day he was telling me all about his new 2nd grade pals. He's going to be just fine. Like it or not, he's growing up (whether I put a brick on his head or not). I can't wait to see what 2nd grade has in store for our Wild Man.

First Day of Kindergarten
Wild Man and Mrs. Polka Dots
August 2008

First Day of 1st Grade
Wild Man and Mrs. Patience
August 2009
First Day of 2nd Grade
(Registration Day)
Wild Man and Mommy
August 2010
Unfortunately, Wild Man's new teacher is recovering from surgery and wasn't at school this week. We are hoping and praying she will return soon so he can get in a good routine from the beginning. In the meantime, we'll take it one second grade day at a time.

the Serenity Now Post Birthday Extravaganza...

A few weeks ago I celebrated the 3rd anniversary of my 29th birthday. Or was it the 2nd anniversary of my 30th birthday? I dunno? Anyway. As a gift to me, the Chief planned a little belated something special for me us. I've affectionately dubbed it the "Serenity Now Post Birthday Extravaganza". {Extravaganza...what is it about the word Extravaganzaaaaahhhh? It makes me laugh every time I say the word...ex-trava-gan-zahhhhhhhhh. See what I mean?}

Our serenity lasted 24 hours and it was the amazing. Spa. Massage. Pedicure. Swanky Dinner. Free Birthday Desert complete with my own candle (care to guess what I wished for--hehehehehehehe). One full night of uninterrupted sleep. Breakfast of champions (AKA Starbucks). Then back to reality. If that list doesn't qualify as serenity I don't know what will.

For those of you wondering. Yep, the Chief had a pedicure. And he liked it. And I can say that. Because he rarely reads this blog. So he'll never know I told the world anyway. Bwahahahah... (and he'll gladly tell any guy on the block that a spa day with the wifey is awesome and they don't know what they're missing).
A special thank you to Miss Amanda, Nanny and JimPa for helping the Chief. We rarely have any length of time to ourselves and after the year we've had we really really needed it. Thank you so much!

To my fellow shipmates...

Thanks to all who replied to my "I'm about to jump ship blahblahblah" post from the other day. I'm glad to know I'm not floating in this boat alone. I did not publish every comment because many were very personal but I read every single one. Being a wife, Mother, friend and _____ is hard work for most of us at this stage in our lives. However, a very wise friend and mother of five reminded me...

God does not call us to ride it out in the safety of the boat.
He calls us into the stormy sea, because that is where we find him.

So if you could relate to what I wrote, I guess we're all in the stormy sea together. :-) Again, glad to know I'm not the only one floating without the proverbial paddle at times. And as if Someone knew exactly what I would need at this specific time (thank you Lord), the Chief is rescuing me from the stormy sea tomorrow for a 24 hour post birthday extravaganza. He genuinely wanted to do more but as he said, "It's only 24 hours but we'll take what we can get." AMEN to that one Chief! AMEN! Bon Voyage my fellow shipmates. See you soon...

Defeated...

Have you ever found yourself there? In that place? Do you know the one? The place where it seems no matter what you do or how hard you try you just can't seem to get it right? I seem to find myself a lot there lately. As a wife. a Mother. a friend. a ______. It seems as if the past year has blown by and I'm still waiting (not so patiently) for the dust to clear. What I'm realizing more and more is maybe the winds I'm waiting to settle are here to stay. And if I'm honest, I'm not sure how I feel about it.

I probably should not open open this can-o-worms but considering my man rarely reads my bloggy ramblings he'll likely never read this paragraph. :-) After 11 years of marriage, I can say I share my life with one awesome man. BUT. Marriage is hard work. Isn't it? Tonight we were watching the end of the Bachelorette (OK-it's trash-yes I know-but I love to watch the last one-I'm a girl-I love a happy ending-well, until they break up a few months from now but I digress). Tonight we were watching the end of the Bachelorette and I caught myself on the verge of laughter at their giddy-ness. Blahblahblah I thought. Blahblahblah. Isn't that sad? Then I wanted to cry because it wasn't that long ago that we were the same way. Well, I've never been thin and blond and my man doesn't speak Spanish and salsa dance but you get where I'm going with this, right? That was us way back when. And now? Now we're Mommy and Daddy. And we wouldn't change a thing. Not for a minute but it's still hard to be the parents of three bebes and find the opportunity to still be "us". By the time we made it to the end when they swept the "happy couple" off to Catalina Island via helicopter we both looked at each other green with envy. I wanted to grab Chris Harrison by the jacket and say, "They don't need a vacation to Catalina Island. Every married couple raising small children needs a trip to Catalina Island". You know what I mean? If you are a parent with children at home I'm sure you can relate. They say it takes a village and most of the time it feels like we're the only two adults in the village of Womble. Thus the reason we at times forget that our marriage comes BEFORE our children...not after.

Speaking of that old cliche, at times I wonder about the underlying meaning. If it takes a village to raise one child what does that mean for three? Do we need an entire zip code to do this thing the right way? And what is the right way anyway? As a Mom you give every ounce of yourself and in the end you can only pray that you make decisions that are pleasing to Him. That you raised them up to be children who love God and love people above all else. Some days I know I miss the mark on this parenting gig. Thus the reason of feeling defeated I think. They don't tell you in the Mommy manual that every time a new school year rolls around you will be just as nervous as they are. They don't tell you how you will pray for a teacher who will go out of her way to understand and appreciate the strengths and abilities of your first born. The manual doesn't tell you how to parent a 4 year old who thinks she is 16 (including girl drama and eye rolling--she is FOUR for Pete's sake)! The manual doesn't have a chapter on attachment, bonding or how to (graciously) reply to rude questions about the child who was born in our hearts.

Friends...ahhhhh...friends. You know, the amazing group of women I consider my "sisters" but I barely have 5 silent minutes to talk to them. Notice I said silent minutes because even when I hide behind the water closet door which is behind our bathroom door which is behind our bedroom door in our bedroom they still find me. And they knock at the door. And sometimes they bang. And cry for snacks. Or to go outside. Or to watch Caillou. And tell me I'm a mean-ie. All while I'm silently praying for my one daily phone call to the outside world which almost always ends with "Well, I guess that's my cue". Ahhhh...those friends. Those friends who I miss dearly but can't seem to find a quiet minute to catch up.

And ________. That is the blank for all the roles I should be filling but can't find the time to devote to them. You can fill it in. Daughter. Granddaughter. Volunteer. Nurse. Adoption Advocate. Name it. Fill it in.

Surely I can not be the only Mommy out there feeling stretched to the limit at times. Surely. Is there anyone who can relate to what I'm sayin'? Please refrain from the "you are a great Mom" routine. Mainly, I just want to know I'm not alone. Anyone? How do you keep it all running smoothly without leaving something or someone behind?