Coming Full Circle (part 4)...

I relived the many conversations both the Chief and I have had concerning why we chose special needs adoption. Why didn't we wait for a "healthy" child when we willingly signed up for the Waiting Child program. Our answer was always the same. If Wild Man had been born an orphan in China, he would have been passed over for a healthier child without so many unknowns. I am certain most people would've read what looks like a big scary word like laryngomalacia (severe) and never stopped to learn more about him. It breaks my heart to think of the joy we could have missed if we had been given a choice, at 24 years old, to parent a child outside the parameters of healthy and typically developing. Would we willingly have said yes when we could have chosen a much easier road? I don't know. I like to think we would have but I'll know that for sure.

It all felt so clear to me. This wouldn't be our first rodeo. That big scary word--laryngomalacia--didn't scare me any more. Hernia and hydrocele--it was a piece of cake to repair. Developmental delays--I know who to call and how to help this time. All the details just confirmed to me over and over that Little Buddy was OUR Little Buddy. Yes, there were unknowns, but for whatever reason, they didn't make me run for the hills. My "YES" was on the table. There was only one slight problem. The Chief. You know, my best friend and the love of my life? The one who is perfectly content with the three children we have? The one who essentially rolled his eyes and went back to bed last night? Well, it was a long shot but I had one thing in my favor. He said, "The Lord will have to make it CRYSTAL CLEAR we have another child because I am DONE!". I was pretty sure the Lord had just handed him exactly what he asked for...a crystal clear answer.

Several days passed and I couldn't stop thinking about Little Buddy. I honestly felt if we walked away from this little boy we would regret it for the rest of our lives. I had prayed and pleaded but didn't seem to be getting anywhere. We marched through the usual discussions which we saw from very different yet equally legitimate viewpoints. His being the provider and mine being the nurturer. To him, he saw the what-ifs. How will we ______? Have you considered what we will do if _____? Do you realize everyone is going to think we're _______? To me, there was a little boy who needed a family who appeared to be perfectly made for us. Does everything always have to be perfectly planned and thought out? What if the Lord was asking us to trust Him? What if He brought all of these circumstances together in one scenario to give the Chief the crystal clear answer he needed. It was the proverbial mountain that seemed immovable from either side.

Five days later he came home from work and asked to speak to me privately. The conversation began like many of the previous ones. Money, time, what-ifs but this time there was one word that changed everything.

BUT.

These are all the reasons why now is not the right time to do this BUT...

Maybe there IS something to this...

Maybe the Lord IS trying to tell us something...

I know I'm looking at this very logically. That's what I'm suppose to do but what if...

Can you request more information?

Call whoever you need to call and have his file reviewed by a doctor.

If we lock his file how long do we have to make a decision?

I need a detailed plan of how you think we can make this happen.

I'm not saying yes. I'm saying maybe and I will pray about it.

Maybe? MAYBE? I'll take maybe! I did everything he asked. I sent the file for review. I requested more information from the orphanage. I made a plan. I called a few trusted friends and asked them to pray for us. It was obvious to me. It was obvious to everyone I told this story to. We were made for him. He was made for us.

The agency gave us a deadline of one week from that day. The Chief was traveling most of that week which gave us the added stress of making this decision over the phone. Lots of talking, questions, what-ifs, fears but most importantly praying together about God's plan for our family and Little Buddy. With each question we came back to the details. There were so many that pointed to the same conclusion. How could we say no?

On the morning of Tuesday October 25 we said YES! That was the day I heard my sweet husband say he was choosing to trust the Lord even when it didn't fit into his plan or his Excel spreadsheet. He vividly saw the obvious from day one with Little Buddy but it took him a while to acknowledge it. Nine years ago we were led down a path we didn't expect. Nine years later God used those years to make this new path crystal clear. He used it to bring us full circle from one amazing son to another. The mountain I had felt was immovable? God picked it up and cast it away in a matter of 12 days.

I'm sure there are those who will chalk this story up to coincidence or perhaps they will think it's too good to be true. I can assure you, in this case, it is not. Every single detail is a tiny fingerprint from God showing how He had His hand in this story from beginning to end. They were exactly the fingerprints we needed to take this leap of faith. I wondered, prayed and pleaded for answers to why He was asking me to "wait". Now I know without a doubt. I was waiting for the child He chose for us...our "Little Buddy". I was waiting for GOD to change my husband's heart...not me. If I had changed the Chief's mind I could have given myself a big pat on the back. Perhaps I would have thought I actually had something to do with his change of heart. But I didn't. I don't deserve a pat on the back for moving this mountain. God does and He will forever get the glory for this little miracle He has given to me, to my children and to my amazing husband.

We are missing several pieces to the puzzle in this adoption. However, we are choosing to trust the Lord even when we don't have it all figured out. We have no doubt He will provide everything we need to bring our little caboose HOME!

I prayed for this child,
and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him.
-1 Samuel 1:27

Coming Full Circle (part 3)...

I sat at our desk for about half an hour before I moved a muscle. Really, Lord? After the tension in this house over the past few weeks? You give me THIS? What am I suppose to do with THIS? You KNOW he's going to say no. What's the point? This all seems a little too good to be true, which has happened before, so why would this scenario be any different than the others?

BUT...

How can I ignore the obvious? He has eyes just like Mei Mei? His name is "Little Buddy"? This list says You created him just like Wild Man? What are all these butterflies flipping around in my stomach?

So what did I do? I did what any emotionally confused wife would do. I woke my husband from a dead sleep at midnight, insisted he get out of bed and come see something I was certain he wouldn't be excited about seeing (but I was going to show him anyway). ;) Convincing, huh? I explained to him that I knew he wouldn't want to see what I needed to show him. However, I NEEDED him to see it. Right now. Not tomorrow. NOW.

Reluctantly and with one eye open he staggered across the house to see what I had found. I explained all the reasons he should want to see this. 1...2...3...4... See? Isn't it interesting? Don't you find the details the least bit interesting? {chirp--chirp--crickets} His reply? "I'm going back to bed". Hmmmmph. Well, THAT went well.

The next day I couldn't stop thinking about "Little Buddy". I had been waiting but didn't know what I was waiting on. What if he was it? What if there was more to his story? I needed to know more so, unbeknownst to the Chief, I contacted the agency and requested the file. Within a few hours it was sitting in my Inbox.

Very quickly I discovered several more similarities within his full file...

-Little Buddy is from the same Chinese province as our Mei Mei. China is an enormous country with billions of people and their cities are in the same province less than two hours apart.

-At the time we were in China adopting Mei Mei, Little Buddy was two months shy of being born with birth parents likely living a few hours away from us. I remember feeling as if we would return but did not know for what reason. I certainly didn't feel it would be for another adoption when I wrote this. I was reminded of this post when I did the math and realized he was there when we were there.

-He was born on the birthday of one of my very best friends of nearly 20 years. This is the same friend who delivered her son while we were in China and welcomed us home at the airport less than a week later.

-He is 21 months younger than Mei Mei who happens to be 21 months younger than Little Miss.

-While we were planning the final details of Mei Mei's first birthday celebration at home, Little Buddy was entering his new home at the orphanage. This was also around the time (spring 2010) I started feeling as if we had room for one more.

-In the spring of this year my sweet friend Julie told me to "close my mouth and pray. Stop talking to him and start talking to Him". Remember that conversation? Well, according to his file, around the very same time Little Buddy's orphanage began preparing his paperwork for adoption. Coincidence? I don't think so...

All of these were small yet significant details. However, the ones that stopped me in my tracks were the ones concerning Little Buddy's special needs and development. When I read his file it was as if I was reading about Wild Man. Even their growth chart curves mirror each other. The only difference is Wild Man had a family. A family who made sure he received the medical treatment, surgery and therapy he needed to thrive. Little Buddy? He has no one. That was enough to prevent me from walking away...not yet.

Coming Full Circle (part 2)...

{NOTE: In our family all the boys names begin with one specific letter and the girls another. It was a tradition we created accidentally but had to keep going after Little Miss was born. Most of you know I blog anonymously so I can't tell you the letters or names in this instance. You'll need to use your imagination along the way for part 2.}

Since the day Little Miss was born Wild Man has prayed diligently and without hesitation for a brother. Not that he doesn't love his little sisters but it's just his desire to have another boy in the house. In his mind, with three girls and two boys in this family, we need at least one more boy to even up the score. He has known the Chief's stance on this topic so he also prayed diligently for God to change Daddy's heart. The year after Mei Mei joined our family, Little Miss joined her big brother in the same prayer as well. Collectively, for the past year and a half, the three of us have prayed for the same thing...a baby brother named "Little Buddy" (see note above).

In early October I came across a little boy on a special focus list. The name given to him by the agency was Owen. He was precious and had needs I felt we could handle. I purposely left his photo pulled up on the laptop to see if I could get a reaction from the Chief. Oh yes, I got one. It just wasn't the reaction I was hoping for. We waded through the same conversations we've had a million times. He was annoyed. I was broken hearted. The door was closed... or so it seemed.

Over the next week random things happened reminding both of us of our recent disagreement... music on the radio, sermons at church, the prayers of our children, skits in the children's ministry about ORPHANS, random emails from friends saying they felt the need to pray for us though they knew nothing about the current situation. It seemed as if God was at work but I couldn't figure out how. Was it for Owen? Someone else? Something else? As much as I searched I couldn't find the answer.

Very late on the night of October 13th I was perusing the special focus list of Bay Area Adoption Services. This agency comes highly recommended and keeps their online secured files up to date. It was the same list Owen was listed and the only one I could bring myself to view over the past 18 months. It was too hard to see their sweet faces and walk away so I only allowed myself to randomly peek at their special focus list. That night I could tell several new faces had been added so I slowly paged through the file.

About half way through the list I came across a little one who immediately caught my eye. My first thought was, "Oh my goodness! He has eyes like Mei Mei!". I know that may sound silly but I don't mean he simply has Asian eyes. When we received Mei Mei's referral, I remember both the Chief and I saying countless times there was something about her eyes. They were deep and soulful and drew us in immediately. There was something about this little ones eyes that did the same.

As I clicked the photograph to enlarge his sweet little face the words took me aback. This particular agency assigns their special focus children English names. It is not their official name once they are adopted but one given to them for easy reference. This sweet little boy with eyes like Mei Mei? His name was "Little Buddy"! Of the thousands of names in the English language that could have been chosen for him, he was given the specific name our family had been praying for. LITTLE BUDDY. As if that wasn't enough for this Mommy heart to handle, I glanced directly below his name and read the following...

laryngomalacia (severe)
hernia
hydrocele

If you read part one you may recognize these diagnoses. If not, the rest of this story will not make much sense. I'll wait while you click over and catch up...

So NOW do you see why these diagnoses are important to the story? Over the years I've probably glanced through thousands of brief descriptions of Chinese children. I've reviewed many complete files on my own for various reasons. Not ONE time have I EVER seen a child diagnosed with laryngomalacia. EVER. Not only did "Little Buddy" have a diagnosis of larygnomalacia, he also carried the diagnoses of hernia and hydrocele. Two completely unrelated diagnoses in different systems of his sweet little body. It appeared God created "Little Buddy" exactly as he created the sweet baby boy who made me us parents nine years ago last month.

I'm not a girl who believes in coincidence. Coincidence simply means God's way of showing us He's in the details of EVERYTHING. My mind was racing. It was late. The Chief was already asleep. I was sitting in disbelief while staring at a computer screen asking this question...

Ummmm... Lord? What in the world should I do with THIS?

Coming Full Circle (part 1)...

Nine years ago last month we abruptly entered the world of parenthood. We experienced the typical adjustments of first time parenting plus a few extras along the way. It was bittersweet as we learned to love our tiny gift from God while attempting to navigate the road before us. If you had reviewed Wild Man's medical file during his first few years of life, you would have read the following...

Laryngomalacia (severe)
Hernia
Hydrocele
GE Reflux (mod-severe)
Failure to thrive (drop in weight from 50% at birth to below the chart)
Developmental Delays

This list wasn't part of our plan but we did the best we could to embrace it. Now I know you're all staring at the first one. Believe me, I felt the same way. LARYNGOMALACIA (pronounced lah-reen-go-mah-lay-sha)?? It looks like a pretty scary word, doesn't it? I was a Pediatric CCU nurse at the time and had never even heard of it. Initially I thought that was good news. If kids with this diagnosis don't land in the PCCU then it must not be a big deal. Right? Well, guess who ended up in the PCCU? 99% of children with larygnomalacia outgrow it before the age of two. Our son? Well, he fell into the 1% of that statistic--severe laryngomalacia--with children who struggle to take every breath, can't gain weight, fall off the growth chart and need surgical intervention. This wasn't exactly how we imagined our first few months together as a new family but we learned quickly how to improvise.

Countless medical appointments, several hospitalizations, two surgeries, a bucket of tears and more sleepless nights than I care to count. To say the first six months were hard would be an understatement. Thankfully by 6 months of age he was making great strides and life slowed down a bit for us to catch our breath. Developmentally he continued to lag behind in a few areas and the next three years brought it's own set of challenges as he/we conquered them one by one. We stood firm in our quest to give him all he needed to catch up and, by the grace of God, catch up he certainly did. He exceeded all expectations and kissed those developmental delays and undeserved diagnoses goodbye.

Fast forward...

Little Miss, also known as our little SURPRISE, was born around this time (June 2006) and all was right with the world. She was the epitome of typically developing and we were enjoying life as a family of four. Shortly after her first birthday discussions of adoption began to resurface. In hindsight, we very easily could have missed the blessings of Little Miss and Mei Mei if God had answered our prayers during those first few years of parenthood. I'm so thankful He knew so much more than we did at the time. The whole omniscient thing--it's a great characteristic to have when you're the creator of the universe.

About six months after we returned from China, I started to feel as if we had room for one more. Believe me... it surprised even me after the days of transition with Mei Mei. I vividly recall asking close friends to tie me up and knock me over the head if I EVER thought about adopting another child. Thankfully time was good perspective and slowly the Lord changed my heart. No, we aren't the perfect family--not even close--but we have love to give and a great God to share. At the end of my life I know nothing will matter more than that.

Since that time I've come across several little ones who've captured my heart. I prayed and pleaded and prayed and pleaded and prayed. Neither of which changed the final outcome. The answer from my dear yet reluctant husband was always the same.

"No."

"I'm done."

"How do you think we will educate/feed/clothe another child or finance an adoption??"

"It's not the right time."

"If we adopt again, the Lord will have to make it crystal clear, because I'm just not feelin' it."

"That's the end of it."

I spent countless months praying the same prayer. God, PLEASE take away this desire of my heart to adopt again if it's not YOUR plan for our family. OR. PLEASE give it to the Chief. Obviously I can't accidentally adopt a child on my own and honestly I didn't want to. I wanted my husband, my very best friend and the leader of our family to want to adopt a little one who needed a family as much as I did. It felt as if that day would NEVER come.

On more than one occasion I felt the Lord was clearly asking me to "wait". That's a tall order for this very type A kind of girl. Wait? Wait for what? That was not the answer I wanted to hear although I knew in my heart it was exactly what He was asking me to do. I wrestled with so many things during that time. Where was God in the midst of the "no"? Wasn't His heart for the least of these? Why would He give me the desire but not my husband? How could God hear the precious prayers of my oldest two children...prayers asking Him to change Daddy's heart...but never come through with an answer? Why would a decision that seemed so right cause so much disappointment?

In March of this year my dear friend Julie, who I consider one of the most Godly women I've ever known, asked me to do two things. "Close your mouth and pray. Stop talking to him and start talking to Him". Simple but profound, isn't it? So I changed my tune. I stopped talking to my "no" and started talking to my "yes". Yes, there were a few times I brought it up but I tried hard to keep it out of our daily conversations as a family. I encouraged Wild Man and Little Miss to do the same.

Then early October came and everything changed...

Why?

A few days ago I was cornered into THE conversation. The one I try hard to avoid.

The one that usually begins in the presence of my children with "why".
Why adoption? Why international adoption? Why China? Why adopt when you can have children of your own?

From there it slowly moves toward the "what and how".
What is wrong with her? How do you fix that? What a lucky little girl she is...

Can I tell you how awkward this conversation is for me? With people who are genuinely interested in adoption, I am more than happy to share. Please hear me when I say this. If you want to talk adoption, I can talk adoption all week long. I can talk adoption until you no longer want to talk adoption. Seriously. Ask my husband. But with strangers? Stranger people who are simply being nosey or malicious, I want to plug my babies ears and tell them to stick it. In so many words. With a few not so nice words mixed in.

"What is wrong with your kid?"
"Does she speak HUMAN?"
"Why did you adopt one of THOSE kids?"
"Can you fix THAT so she will look normal?"

Each and every time these questions surface I am dumbfounded. Most of the time I spit out one of many scripted answers and we move on as quickly as possible. Other times I don't even know how to answer. I want to scoop up my children and run. I want to hide them from the world that awaits them. I want to hide her from the words of those people. Those people who only see her on the outside. The people who can't get past the almond eyes and the dark hair. The people who act as if her precious face is open for discussion. Guess what stranger people? It isn't!

So what's a Momma to do? I know. I know. I know I need to answer with kindness and grace but what I really want to do is punch them in the nose. Fiercely. With everything in me.

I want to shout and kick and scream and yell about their insensitive and hurtful comments.

I want to ask them if they would ask such questions about someone else's husband or friend in the middle of Target? Why is it any different when the questions are about a child?

I want to tell them that God's heart is to see children in families--children from China, Seattle, Guatemala, Africa, Houston, Russia, Atlanta or anywhere in between.

I want to tell them she is as much "my own" as the two that came before her.

I want to shout it at the top of my lungs...THERE. IS. NOTHING. WRONG. WITH. OUR. DAUGHTER! She is PERFECT just the way God made her on the day she was born! I want them to see her for the beautiful Mei Mei she is. Not by her hair or her eyes or her special need.

I want to make them understand that Mei Mei is not "lucky". WE are the ones who have been blessed by HER...not the other way around.

I want them to know we do NOT NEED THEIR APPLAUSE OR APPROVAL! Some seem to believe if they end their rude intrusive conversation with something like "Well, you are such a good person for taking care of her". WHAT? WE ARE NOT TAKING CARE OF HER! WE ARE NOT BABYSITTING! SHE IS OUR DAUGHTER PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!

So the next time someone asks me "Why?" I'm going to ask them the same... "Why do you want to know?" I'm ready to see someone else squirm their way out of that awkward conversation (instead of me). Someday Mei Mei will take her cues from us. If we tuck our tails and walk away we are teaching her she has something to be ashamed. Something we shouldn't talk about. That's not the case. Is Mei Mei adopted? No. Mei Mei WAS adopted. Big difference. Until the world begins to see it my way, the inner Mama Bear will be ready and waiting to pounce.

My Papa...

Today I said goodbye to the first man I ever loved...my Papa. I can only imagine the look on his face when he opened his pale blue eyes outside the pearly gates of heaven this morning. I wonder if he smiled that smirky grin and danced a jig at the feet of our Heavenly Father. Oh how I wish I could have seen a glimpse of that moment. The moment he traded in his 89 year old body for a new and improved model. I am sure it was a sight to behold.

My Papa was, in many ways, like my Father. He has been the one consistent man in my life for nearly 32 years. The one who called me honey-bebe my entire life. As a child, Papa made sure I was at church every time they opened the door. He's the one who made me get up at the crack of dawn on Sunday so we could pick up half the kids in town on the church bus. Oh, that darn church bus. I hated riding that bus every week but at this moment those days are some of my fondest memories of him. Years later on my wedding day he gave me away to the love of my life. He was proud of that moment and so was I. He loved my husband and knew he was "a keeper" (as he called him shortly before we married). Yes, he certainly was (and still is today).

He was married almost 62 years to my Meme. They weren't the ooey gooey in love kind but they were dedicated to the vows they took the day after her 18th birthday...for better or worse. In recent years Meme's Alzheimers has robbed her of her memory but she has never forgotten the young and handsome Papa she married all those years ago. Please pray specifically for her today. She is understandably heart broken.

He wasn't a fancy man by any stretch but he would have given the proverbial "shirt off his back" to almost anyone who needed it more than he did. That was my Papa. He was a collector of just about anything. I repeat, ANYTHING. He ran his own version of Lowes from his home. If Lowes didn't want or need it anymore, well, Papa did. If anyone wants to call A&E, I'm certain we would make a great version of Hoarders: the Building Supply Edition. What is it they say? One mans trash is another man's treasure? That was my Papa. :-)

My Papa taught me that education was the key to my success. No one was prouder than Papa the day Dr. Sauls pinned my nursing pin on my lapel. It was a moment he had waited my entire life to witness--the first in his family to graduate from college.

A World War II veteran, he loved to tell war stories to anyone who would listen. At this moment I wish I had listened a little more intently to those WWII stories. I'll never hear them again this side of heaven and for that I am a little sad.

On any random day (or night) you would find the TV blaring CNN. This man loved that channel because he LOVED politics. With a capital L! I always told him he loved anyone with a little (R) beside their name. That always made him chuckle. The man was a Republican with a capital R and he could solve all the problems of our great nation in a one hour visit. :-) That was just my Papa. He had an answer for everything and his answer was never wrong. Ever.

My Papa loved the Big Orange. If you are from our neck of the woods you know what I'm talkin' about. When I was a kid I always thought it silly when he said, "we bleed orange around here". Every time I hear someone say that line I think of him. I guess I always will.

He was quirky and he had his ways about him. Some I understood. Some...well...I did NOT understand but I think that's what kept things interesting. We didn't always agree. He liked to push my buttons and I always fell head first into his little "trap". I guess that's what you get when you put two passionate people in the same room. I think he just liked to debate for the sake of debating. :-) Countless conversations ended with "we'll have to agree to disagree" and that was that. My Mom has always said we are a lot alike. I have always argued my way out of that one but at this moment I'll gladly agree. He was a man who loved God and loved people. In that respect, I pray that on any given day someone who knows me well can say the same about me.

He was the one I had the most reservations about with Mei Mei's adoption. Truth be told he had many hurtful things to say about it beforehand. Thankfully I have witnessed first hand what God can do to a stubborn heart tainted by a lifetime of prejudice. I watched my baby girl, who was scared of most everyone and everything at the time, snuggle up in his lap. He was a goner from that moment on--his heart changed in an instant. If you don't believe God can change someone's heart, let an 18 month old Chinese baby snuggle with an 89 year old great grandfather. He did and I am so incredibly thankful God gave me that moment. He called her "my little black eyed Susie". It was a term of endearment to him so I let it be. His little black eyed Susie it was.

I am thankful he is no longer suffering. After six months of illness that is an answer to prayer. Knowing I'll walk into their house and his chair will be empty. Knowing my Meme and Mother are beyond brokenhearted. It's still hard to say goodbye to someone you love. Then I am reminded of what I know to be true. I remember the man with a tattered Bible that sat beside his chair when it wasn't opened in his lap. I remember a man who loved to help people when, by the worlds standards, he himself could have used a helping hand. I remember the man known to my children as "Meme's Papa". The man who loved to see their smiling faces every time we walked through the door.

I loved my sweet Papa more than words can express yet I know this is not the end. Someday, when my time comes, I'll be standing at the gate looking for the blue eyed man wearing a hat and holding a fishing pole. I know he'll be there waiting.

Love,
Honey-bebe

Kupcakes for Kids...

On Sunday, January 24, our Pastor taught from Matthew 25:14-30 about the Parable of the Talents, and then introduced a "Modern Day Tale of the Talents". During each service that day, he gave one of our young ministers a $50 bill, and charged them with investing that money... God's money... in a way that advances the cause of Christ.

Mr. Eddie was Wild Man's Assistant Children's Minister not too long ago. Wild Man thinks he's about the best thing since chicken nuggets (and if you know him you know how much that is). Mr. Eddie chose to use his $50 to purchase the ingredients for cupcakes. Cupcakes? Yep, cupcakes. He sold them for a minimum donation of $10 each. His goal? To raise $500 to buy shoes and socks for the children of a local public housing preschool.
When I told Wild Man we were going to buy special cupcakes after school today and WHY we were going to buy them, the first words from his mouth were "Can I help too?". He said he wanted to use his money to help buy shoes and socks for the kids just like everyone else. After school he dug out the money he'd been saving for Chuck*e*Cheese and bought 2 "Kupcakes for Kids" instead. One cupcake for each of his sisters. He didn't even buy one for himself having no idea I was going to buy one for him either way.

I was SO PROUD of him I could have burst. As a parent, some days we all wonder if we are getting through to them. If they can even grasp the blessings they have been given in this "me-me-me" society in which we live. Today I am thankful for a tiny peek into the window of his heart. There's some good stuff in there, even at 7 years old, and I can't wait to see what God has in store for him.

A beautiful song...

that puts my hearts desire into words...


There are many who read our blog contemplating adoption. People waiting to grow their families but not sure if it is the right decision. I truly believe God's heart is for these children. Children who want nothing more than to be loved. Like the song says, "Someone to sing them Happy Birthday for the next 100 years". Most likely no one is going to show up on your door step with a baby. You will have to open the door yourself. No one will do it for you. When you do I truly believe you can sit back and watch how God will bless your socks off. I can't promise you it will be easy. It won't be. It will be hard and stressful and all encompassing but in the end it will be exceedingly abundantly more than you can ask or imagine. I promise. I didn't know this beautiful face this time last year but He did. By His grace, this year, I'm holding her in my arms.
I pray the New Year will bring a new child into your lives. Perhaps a child who will spend next Christmas surrounded by the love of a forever family. Merry Christmas everyone...

Twas the Night Before Christmas...for the parentless...

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the land
there are parentless children, with no toys in hand

No stockings to be hung by the chimny with care
no hopes for a family soon to be there

Their beds are not snug--but cold and quite bare
there are no goodnight kisses--no one to care

While we in our homes, laughing in delight
all settle down for a Merry Chistmas Eve night

When in someone's heart--there arises a clatter
there are children in need--who's lives really DO matter!

Away to the computer please go in a flash
to see the sweet face with whom YOU could be matched!

While a child you see--their beautiful face all aglow
could this be MY child--could I already know??

When in the dreams of the orphan--what always appears
is a family to love them, to care and hold dear

As you stare at that child--your heart beats real quick--
for you know in your heart that sweet face will stick

More dreams sweet children have--to call parents by name-
come mama! come daddy! come family to claim!

To the ends of the earth--your heart seems to call
now child--I'm coming--I wish for you ALL!

So on a plane to your child--over rooftops you flew
to hold this dear soul--a wish did come true

And then in a twinkling-I saw through the door
this child of my heart-that was waiting no more

As I got my camera and was turning around-
into my arms did he come with a bound!

He was dressed in many layers from his head to his foot
and into my heart his life was just put

there was no round face--no plump little belly
just sad little eyes, and legs shaking like jelly

In a swirl of a pen, and a stamp and a seal
my world became brighter--like I could suddenly feel!

We spoke not a word--they weren't needed at all
and I knew in this moment where I got this call

God layed his hands on my heart--and to the occasion I rose
and He could do it for you--this question He'll pose.....

It won't be a shout--no not even a whistle
it won't be real clear--but faint like a whisper

Can you make room in your heart--if you try with your might?
And make a difference for one--help them see the light?

I can see you exclaim as you hold your child tight--
Thank you Lord for this gift--you got it EXACTLY right!

poem written by my
agency friend Amy Dinello who blogs here
Amy-Thank you for allowing me to share your words and my heart.
Merry Christmas!

Before and After...

This time last year we were finishing up the final stages of our dossier. We were waiting for the phone to ring while simultaneously questioning if our agency was going to be able to find our daughter. So many things were up in the air. So many unanswered questions. So much doubt filled my mind. Waiting has never been my strong suit. I was painting the smile I knew I needed to have for my family yet deep down I knew someone was missing. I knew we had a daughter who was supposed to be here but wasn't. The Chief thought I was crazy as a Betsy bug, and maybe I am, but I wasn't crazy on this one. While her stocking was hanging here on the fireplace mantel, she WAS there without her forever family.Today I was reminded of a song I played over and over last year during the month of December. I couldn't listen to the first line before the waterworks showed up thinking of the "little girl trembling on a cold December morn crying for Momma's arms". I knew it wasn't time. I knew God's timing is always perfect but it was tough for this Momma knowing she was there and we were here. Little did I know at the time she WAS there but not in an orphanage. She had recently been moved to foster care after seven months at a phenomenal American based medical foster home in Dongguan, China. What a huge blessing!

Today I listened to the song for the first time without tears. Well, almost without tears. I was fine until I made it to the last verse...

Merry Christmas by Third Day...

There's a little girl trembling on a cold December morn
Crying for Momma's arms
At an orphanage just outside a little China town
Where the forgotten are

But half a world away I hang the stockings by the fire
And dream about the day when I can finally call you mine

It's Christmas time again but you're not home
Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas

As I hang the tinsel on the tree and watch the twinkling lights
I'm warmed by the fire's glow
Outside the children tumble in a wonderland of white,
Make angels in the snow

But half a world away you try your best to fight the tears
And hope that heaven's angels come to carry you here

It's Christmas time again but you're not home
Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas

Christmas is a time to celebrate the holy child
And we celebrate his perfect gift of love
He came to earth to give his life
And prepare a place for us
So we could have a home with him above

It's Christmas time again and now you're home
Your family is here so you will never be alone
So tonight before you go to sleep, I'll hold you in my arms
And I'll tell you from my heart, and I'll tell you from my heart
I wish you Merry Christmas

MeiMei,

Even before the pitter-pat of your little feet filled our home, we prayed, loved, dreamed, HOPEd and planned for you. Merry Christmas precious girl. We pray your first Christmas with your family will fill your heart with immeasurable joy.

Love,
Mommy

Give this Christmas Away...

Have you heard this song? You HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS SONG! Press Play and listen to every word. Wait. Don't click away. It takes 4.46 minutes. Go ahead. I'll wait...
I am in love with this song. In LOVE. I am challenging myself to do this very thing--to give this Christmas away. To make this entire holiday about someone else. I have 22 days left to honor this challenge. Who wants to join me? Ready. Set. Go.

a blessed Thanksgiving to all...

All I have needed thy hands hath provided
Great is thy faithfulness Lord unto me...

Prayers for Lily...

Today MeiMei's "China sister", Lily Mei, is having surgery. Lily was my glimmer of hope in China with her blue backpack, silly faces and happy disposition. She was pure joy (except when her Mommy tried to make her wear the traditional Chinese dress for the red couch photo...but that's another story for another day). The six of us shared one of the most amazing experiences of our lives together. We are friends for life. I wish we could be there today to keep them company. I know what it's like to wait for your baby to come out of surgery. It stinks. Distance may hinder our presence but it doesn't prevent our thoughts. Would you please join us in praying for Lily Mei and her Mommy, Daddy, big brother and sister? I know they would appreciate your thoughts, prayers and well wishes today and in the days to come.

I left my heart...

in southern China

somewhere between Guangzhou and Dongguan

a huge piece of it anyway

where we saw every day life through a different lens

with impoverished yet happy people

and babies cast aside without explanation

and children who need families to call their own

where I can't speak the language

or drive a car

or read a map

or eat a turkey sandwich

or drink a Dr. Pepper

or tolerate the heat

or see a familiar face

or hug my Mother

But you know what? As crazy as it sounds, I want to go back. Today... yesterday... the day before... the day before that... I have felt this way since we came home. At first I thought it was the jet lag or the difficult transition but six weeks later I still can't get these thoughts out of my head. Our days in Guangzhou were hard. SO. INCREDIBLY. HARD. So why in the world would I want to return? I don't know. I can't explain it. I am crazy. CRAZY! My eyes were opened to so much while we were away. I'm trying to figure out how to take these experiences and reintegrate myself back into this incredibly blessed world in which I live.

On more than one occasion I have said to my two oldest... "There are people--children just like you--who will go hungry tonight. Eat. Your. Dinner. " That's nothing out of the ordinary for me to say. I've said those words hundreds of times but it's different. Now I say it and want to run and hide in my closet. And cry. Because I saw it. Not on a commercial. Not in a book. I saw it with my own two eyes and I will never be the same. My lens has changed drastically. How do you keep living the suburban life and pretend you never saw what you saw? It's ironic how something so incredibly difficult can rearrange everything you THOUGHT you knew about yourself.

Now I'm not saying we're all packing up and moving to China (although I would be lying if I said I haven't thought about it). I'm just wondering if anyone else understands where I'm coming from? Anyone? ANYONE? Am I the only one on this deserted island or do I have some friends out there?

Something to ponder...

Sometimes I'd like to ask God why He allows poverty, famine & injustice when He could do something about it but I'm afraid God might ask me the same question.
-unknown

_________________________________________________________________

I've had this quote in my post drafts for a while now but never found the right time to publish it. Until today. Yesterday our church began a new series entitled "One Month to Live". I'm still processing much of what was discussed and how it relates to my own life. After yesterdays sermon this quote has been running circles in my mind. What am I doing about it? What are WE doing about it? What are YOU doing about it. Something to ponder...

(Mom--before you start worrying--No--that's not what I'm talking about)

Go here...

read this. Now if that doesn't make you cry a bucket of tears you must be the Ice Queen. Have you ever thought about it? Entertained it? Considered it? If you have, maybe you should ask me what to do with the thought. Go ahead. Ask me. I dare you. I double dog dare you.

a New Day...

Today is a monumental day in the history of our country. In just a few minutes Senator Barack Obama will become President Barack Obama, the 44th President of the United States of America. In all honestly, my vote was not cast for Senator Obama but today is not the day to debate views or votes. The decision is behind us and the future of our country is before us. I pray that God would bless and protect President Obama and his family as he faces some of the most difficult decisions in our nations history. I pray this milestone will bring honor to our country, our families and our love for humanity.

On this historical day, I am most proud that my children will never remember a time when the office of President was limited by the color of ones skin. Their generation will know and believe that all things are possible for everyone. Not rich or poor. Not white or black. Not male or female. I am proud that the prejudice that sadly remains within this great nation has taken one GIGANTIC step forward. My family, my children, my children's children will be better for it.

To our new President (because even Barack checks in at the Womble Times)...

I pray that you will seek guidance from the only omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent God. It is the future of these beautiful children that depend on it.
Sincerely,
Mommy

Happy Birthday Jesus...

Our day has ended. Everyone is fast asleep dreaming of Batman towers, Wii games, princess shoes and Keurig coffee makers. I, on the other hand, am wide awake and overwhelmingly thankful for the gifts we've been given. Not gifts of the material kind. The gift of Jesus. The gift of love. The gift of family. Nothing else can ever compare.

...Our gifts are Yours, God
All our dreams are Yours, God
All our plans are Yours, God
The whole earth is Yours, God
Everything is Yours...

O Holy Night...

In the midst of the hustle and bustle of the next few days, let us not forget the very reason we celebrate--the birth of a baby boy who changed the world in every way possible. One who was born knowing His time would be short but His message of hope would remain. Merry Christmas my friends! May you be surrounded by the love of family, friends and most importantly the presence of our Savior within your heart. It is, indeed, a Holy Night.

Love,
the Womble 4

Welcome baby Ansley...

Congratulations to our friends April and Chad on joining the ranks of parenthood! Baby Ansley made her debut this morning at 9:12am weighing in at 7lbs 13oz and measuring 20 inches long. MG says she has a thing or two to teach her about being a girly-girl. Sorry Chad :-) Hurry home guys so we can give that baby some love.

My new favorite quote...

I have concluded that the accumulation of wealth, even if I could achieve it, is an insufficient reason for living. When I reach the end of my days, a moment or two from now, I must look backward on something more meaningful than the pursuit of houses and land and machines and stocks and bonds. Nor is fame of any lasting benefit. I will consider my earthly existence to have been wasted unless I can recall a loving family, a consistent investment in the lives of people, and an earnest attempt to serve the God who made me. Nothing else makes much sense.

~Dr. James Dobson