Update...

First of all, thank you to those who have checked in on us over the past few weeks. I know many of you are wondering about us and our transition to a party of 5. Each day is a new day and we are so thankful.
Wild Man... he hasn't missed a beat. According to him, being the big brother of one or the big brother of two is "about the same". Girls are gross. Dolls are gross. Pink is gross. Princesses are gross. He loves the girls in his life-but they're still gross. In case you are wondering, that scenario includes ME. Hehehehe. The rhetorical question of the month is this... If Little Miss got a sister...why can't I have a brother? Hmmm...

Little Miss... well, she's had a hard transition. She is going to be the best Mommy some day. She is so sweet and attentive to MeiMei but she has no concept of personal space. :-) She's always up in her face, smothering her with bear hugs or trying to drag her around like a baby doll. Unfortunately it has led to SEVERAL "altercations" between the two of them over the past month. The good news is Little Miss and MeiMei are slowly becoming friends. It has been a tough transition in the sister department but they are making progress.

MeiMei... thankfully she has decided we're not so bad after all. The day I wrote this post, just as I speculated, something changed. I wish I knew WHAT CHANGED but at this point it's not important. She's feeling more comfortable in her new family. The stink eye has been replaced, most of the time, with random and unprompted toddler smiles and occasional giggles. She's picked up quite a few words already and her comprehension is pretty impressive. We know she speaks about 15 words (both English and the only Cantonese words WE understand combined) but since our Cantonese is nonexistent a little rusty we are clueless about the chatty chatter. :-) I'm pretty sure she's told me EXACTLY what she thinks of me a few times but unfortunately (or thankfully) I'll never know what she said. :-)

the Chief and Mommy... we are truckin' along. We survived the first month and lived to tell about it. At one point I thought it was questionable. Hahahaha. :-) We have run the gamut of emotions over the past month but at the end of the day we would do it all the same. We would pray the same prayers. We would rejoice in the same circumstances surrounding her care in China. We would circle the globe for the exact same reason. We would cry the same river of tears. We would embrace rejection in the midst of the same heartbreak. We would grieve along side the same broken child. We would fall flat on our faces in search of answers from the same God who brought us all together. Was it difficult? WITHOUT A DOUBT (and it still is even with the progress we've made). The first month was more than we could wrap our minds around---much harder than we ever imagined BC (before China)--but I think the most important thing is this. If rewinding the clock to September 9 were a possibility, would we still board the same bird to China and do it all over again to become her forever family? ABSOLUTELY! What an indescribable privilege it has been to watch her blossom over the past two weeks. They tell us the hardest part is behind us and we are starting to truly believe they are right.

I have photos to share and more stories to tell but for now this will have to suffice. Again, many thanks to those who have supported us so well over the past month. Some of you have heard the good, the bad and the incredibly ugly--both close friends and complete strangers with similar adoption experiences. Your unwavering friendship means the world to us.

If your name is Mommy you MUST watch this...

I was crackin' up all the way through this video. Between the lyrics and watching her "break it down" I was rolling out of my seat. I say most of these lines to my children EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Oh--I could have written the second verse word for word (where she is wearing the sweater and pearls). LOL! Sooooo true! It takes three minutes, but if your name is Mommy, the chuckle will make your day.

Something to ponder...

Sometimes I'd like to ask God why He allows poverty, famine & injustice when He could do something about it but I'm afraid God might ask me the same question.
-unknown

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I've had this quote in my post drafts for a while now but never found the right time to publish it. Until today. Yesterday our church began a new series entitled "One Month to Live". I'm still processing much of what was discussed and how it relates to my own life. After yesterdays sermon this quote has been running circles in my mind. What am I doing about it? What are WE doing about it? What are YOU doing about it. Something to ponder...

(Mom--before you start worrying--No--that's not what I'm talking about)

Meeting the infamous Dr. K...

Today was MeiMei's appointment with the infamous Dr. K and it went very well. We were relieved to hear his recommendations were just as we expected. He felt the repair she had in China was good and it would be appropriate to follow the typical treatment plan. She will see him yearly until she is 4 years old. Sometime between the age of 4 and 5 she will have her first surgery. From that point forward she shouldn't need another surgery until adolescence. Dr. K will work together with the orthodontist to determine the timing of her second surgery (probably between 9 and 12 years). Thankfully there were no surprises. Everything is just as we expected. PTL!
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In addition to family and friends, I know there are many adoptive parents who read our blog. I think the range is across the board. From those who have gone before us to those who are just beginning to consider adoption. I loathe the term "special needs"...always have. I know it's the PC term but personally I've never liked it. I much prefer my own made up term "uniquely gifted". If I can be a resource to anyone considering adoption, especially China's "uniquely gifted" program, feel free to email me. I would be happy to answer any questions you may have about the process.

Maybe...just maybe...

someone has been assessing the situation...

or maybe someone has decided it's OK to trust the new people in her life...
or maybe someone has accepted that you CAN love two families (not just one)...

or maybe someone has discovered that being sad is way too boring when there is so much fun to be had...

or maybe someone declared that exactly one month together is her turning point...

or maybe, JUST MAYBE, "Someone else" saw the tears and heard the prayers of a family who wanted nothing more than to love this precious gift and that "Someone else" showed them the glimpse they had been waiting for...It was a cheesy-faced wrinkled-nose squinty-eyed baby smile. It was a momentary glimpse but it was genuine, true and heartfelt. We've seen a few of these smiley glimpses over the past three days and each one made my heart skip a beat. We're not there. Not even close. But maybe, just maybe, we've stepped away from the starting gate and THAT realization feels good. It feels very VERY good.

Happy 1 month Family Day MeiMei! We love you all the way to China & back again!

Four weeks ago today...

two excited yet anxious parents...

entered a crowded and chaotic room in southern China...

and met Mei Mei for the first time...

and as we held this precious and beautiful child in our arms for the first time...

her heart shattered into a million pieces...

and our hearts were broken in return...

we've taken teeney tiny baby steps since September 14th...

but four weeks later we are still standing at the starting gate. Tonight I was scrolling through September posts and came across the post I wrote the night before we left for China. Honestly, I've never read it. I hit publish, got in the shower, went to China and never thought of it again until tonight. Until now. I didn't realize how much of my heart I poured out into that letter. It was so raw--such an accurate description of where I was at the time. In the middle of that letter I wrote this...

...Isn't it amazing how BIG God is? Before the beginning of time He ordained THIS day. THIS child. THIS family. THIS country. THIS miracle. He planted THIS seed in my heart as a little girl before I knew where it would take me. He brought two teenagers together who happen to share THIS heart for babies all over the world without Mommy's and Daddy's. He orchestrated every last miraculous detail of THIS awe inspiring story--her story--a story I can't wait to tell the world once she is safely home in our arms. He knew THIS day would come even before she was born--before WE were born. Did I always believe THIS day would come (especially over the past year)? No. But you know what? He did. He knew even when I stopped believing. In the winter, when I desperately wanted to believe He was bigger than my fears. When I wanted to believe He had a plan but I wanted Him to tell ME the plan. When I cried myself to sleep at night wondering if all of this was in vain. You know what? He already knew about March 27. He already knew about MeiMei. He already knew her story before she took her first breath. He knows her story from this day forward and we are so humbled He chose us to be part of it. I adopted Hebrews 11:1 as my verse for MeiMei long before we ever knew her face. It says "Now faith is being sure of what we HOPE for and certain of what we do not see". Somehow we knew this was the plan He had for our family. No, we did not hope for the circumstance behind how she will become part of our family. We hoped that someday we could become the parents of a child who needed a family. In so many ways, it is my children who have helped grow my faith, each in their own way. Even before holding this child in my arms she has taught me that faith is not about God answering your prayers. It is about believing He can and He will, if He so chooses, in His own time...

...Despite the unknowns of this week, there is one thing I know for certain. MeiMei was meant to be our daughter. Whatever the next few weeks, months and even years may bring, we will face it together. As a family. I pray she will feel the love we have to share with her and want to accept it. I have faith the One who created her will heal her heart. It will take time but I believe it will happen eventually...

I wish I had dozens of smiling Mei Mei photos to share. I wish I had any photos to share but since I've only picked up my camera once in the past two weeks I have none to showcase. I haven't missed them. There haven't been any to capture. I wish I had gushy stories to tell of bonding and snuggles and eskimo kisses. But I don't. I know so many of you are coming back to read the "happy ending" but right now the only happy ending is that MeiMei is here with her forever family. I don't have much more than that and I'm not going to pretend everything is coming up roses. That would be a lie. I know we have a long road ahead of us but we have to have faith that it will come. Wasn't that her verse? Now faith is being sure of what we HOPE for and certain of what we do not see? No longer are we hoping for her physically. Now we are hoping for her emotionally to show us a glimpse of the real MeiMei. Not the sad, broken hearted little girl she is today. I believe He will equip us with what we need to heal her broken heart. It will come. I must believe it will come, but in the meantime, please continue to pray for Mei Mei and the rest of the Womble 5.

Who was it that said Swineflu--Schmineflu?

Oh yes. It was me. Who was it that has been eating her words for the past five days? Yep, that's me as well. As if we don't have enough going on, I woke up with the flu in the wee hours of Wednesday morning. I've been cooped up in our bedroom attempting to keep my germs to myself while the Chief has muddled through without me. To his credit, he's taken excellent care of all four of us. Thankfully I think I'm on the downhill now. I said I wanted to catch up on my sleep but this isn't exactly what I meant. Be careful what you wish for. As for Mei Mei, today is the first day the Chief has "allowed" me out of our room. Apparently she has decided after five days of my absence that I'm not allowed to come near her again. Ugh! One tiny step forward. One huge step back.

Finding our Way...

As of a few hours ago, we are 9 days AC. I feel as if life in general is being viewed through a lens of BC/AC (BC=before China and AC=after China). I have received many emails and messages this week checking in on us and I appreciate every last one. If I have not replied or returned your call, it's not personal. We have had to refocus around here as we adjust to life with a very sad and grieving toddler who has lost so much in such a short time. I plan to go back and post about the last 9 days, including the airport, which so many have asked about. I am still waiting on one last set of pictures but it may be a while before I have my hands on them.

As for MeiMei, I'm not really in a place where I am ready to share. Honestly, I'm not sure how to put it all into words. The day will come. At this moment I hope it comes sooner rather than later. I wish I had been more prepared. I thought I was. I wasn't delusional. I knew this would be difficult. I recognized the challenges and felt equipped. What I have come to realize in the last 19 days is you can't anticipate and thus fully prepare for such uncharted waters.

There is a song by Matthew West I fell in love with the first time I heard it. For the past 19 days, I have been singing this song to MeiMei. It doesn't remotely resemble a lullaby but the lyrics have taken on new meaning for me. BC it was a song written to ME. AC it is my song to MeiMei. I'm not sure how much longer I'll be singing it to her...maybe weeks or months or heaven forbid years. I don't know. What I know is her sky fell down on September 14. Right now, more than ANYTHING, I wish I knew how to make it turn blue again.

Meeting Dr. Melinda...

This afternoon Mei Mei met Dr. Melinda at her first routine Pediatrician visit. She gave the entire hour two HUGE thumbs DOWN (and I even talked her way out of any "pokes" today). Overall, I think Dr. M was impressed with her growth, development and surgical repair. The nurse asked me the typical 18 month questions but some of them were impossible to answer. Allergies? Food preferences? How long does she typically sleep per day? The one I found quite funny was, "During the time you have known her, has she spoken 15 intelligible words?" Hmmmm...well, I think so but since I don't speak Cantonese I can't say yes with absolute certainty. :-) We were blown away by her measurements.

Weight: 21 pounds 14 ounces (~15th percentile)
Length: 31.5 inches (~40th percentile)
HC: 47 cm (~60th percentile)

Can you believe that? Those percentages are on the AMERICAN growth chart!! I was prepared to bring in a Chinese growth chart at our next visit. Many children adopted from China don't even plot on the American chart. Typically children from southern China are even smaller compared to the rest of the country which is why southern China has a separate growth chart. Haha... not Mei Mei. She's an All-American girl from the start. She eats better than some adults I know so I don't think it will be long before her weight evens out with the rest of her. We owe so much to True Children's Home. They took excellent care of Mei Mei during her first 17 months of life. We know they are the reason why she is so healthy.

On the 14th, we have a Plastic Surgery appointment with "the infamous Kevin K.". That's what I called him when I was a nurse in the PCCU. I think I worked there over a year before I actually met the man. He was always in and out of the unit so quickly and with such an entourage it took me that long to figure out which Dr. was Dr. K. Ha! We consulted with him after Mei Mei's referral and he seemed genuinely happy to help. We are anxious to hear his recommendations. Also, she will be having a few more tests the same week. We are praying all is well with our little Mei Mei.