Dear J,
It was a cold night at 8:44 p.m. when you made your debut three weeks too soon. Eight pounds and one half ounce of joy fresh from God. I had twenty four years under my belt, but on that night, I knew nothing else could compare to the moment I became your Mother.
Those days in the hospital were a sweet gift to your Dad and I. Our new little family of three born the week of Thanksgiving. What could compare to that kind of gratefulness? It wasn't long before we noticed a few red flags, but I thought I was overreacting. I was a PICU nurse, after all, but I knew in my brain most babies were born healthy. I brushed those thoughts aside and chose to enjoy this new season.
Within days the red flags grew stronger and I knew in my heart something was wrong. Your first six months of life were filled with countless appointments, testing, hospital stays, surgeries, monitors, medicine, medical bills and more tears than our bottles could hold (both yours and ours). It was a bittersweet season, but we were growing and learning right along side you.
So many sleepless nights were filled with more questions than answers. The questions changed frequently as you grew, but they were always there. How long will I get to be his Mom? Will he ever _____? Will he ever go to Kindergarten? Will he ever have a friend? Will he grow to be a teenager? Go to college? Have a family? Why can't he just be typical like all the other babies we know? Why? Why? Why? I wish I had listened when I heard that still small voice telling me He loved you more than I did. I wish I would've trusted Him completely with your life back then, but I didn't. All I knew was Jeremiah 29:11 was on repeat in my brain, so I claimed it over your life, and begged Him to make it so.
We spent the next several years watching you rise to every challenge set before you. If someone told us "he may never...", we politely said thank you for your time, and then we set out to prove them wrong. They knew what their book said, but they didn't know you. They didn't know your smile, your laugh or your abilities like we did. They didn't understand how amazing you were, so I made it my mission to show them. And show them you did.
In hindsight, I can vividly see all God was equipping us for in that season. We learned that parenting was a LOT harder than it looked from the outside. We learned we COULD do hard things even if we didn't want to. We learned when to fight for our children with all we had and when to walk away quietly. We learned not to judge a book by its cover. We learned a greater sense of compassion and kindness for the battles people are facing (both seen and unseen). We learned that you can still have fun, make new friends and meet some of the most genuine people outside the walls of society's "picket fence". We learned that having children with "needs" really isn't as scary as the world wants you to believe. We learned that we needed the Lord and His guidance more than ever before.
When I reflect upon today, my mind goes back to those nights of sprinting across our little house to the screeching sound of an apnea alarm. The feeling of wondering if you would still be breathing when I made it to you has never left my memory. I go back to the nights I watched you sleep and wondered if you would ever go to Kindergarten, have a friend or grow to be a teenager. And today, I get to check one more box in the list of God's faithfulness in the life of J. T. W.
X- grow to be a teenager
Thirteen years I've had the privilege of being the one you know as Mom. Rest assured we wouldn't have the family we have now, had you not taught us how to be brave. I will never forget how far you've come. Do we still have work to do? Yes! Parenting, growing, learning, changing. It doesn't end because you become a TEENAGER. Perhaps it's only just begun. But the miracle of your life will never be lost on me at any age or stage. Not everyone will understand what makes you who you are. Remember that God created you uniquely for a purpose, and in the end, it's only His vote that counts. Strive to make Him proud.
I love the way your mouth crinkles when you smile. I love your laugh and your witty sense of humor. I love the effort you're putting forth to think before acting. I will never stop pushing you toward the best J you can be. I believe with my whole heart that God gave me Jeremiah 29:11 all those sleepless years ago. I believe He knew all the plans He had for you. Plans to prosper and not to harm. Plans to give you a hope and a future. Happy 13th Birthday my love. This family is our magnum opus. Our greatest work, and you my firstborn, were the start of it all. I am so honored to be yours.
All my love,
Mom
