Happy 2nd Birthday Little Buddy!

Across the miles we are wishing our baby boy, Bao Xi Jian...soon to be Little Buddy Womble, a Happy Birthday! I still can't believe I have the privilege of typing those words. I doubt he celebrated his special day today but you can rest assured we will celebrate for him. I wish I could kiss his sweet little head and tell him what a treasure he is. Next year sweet boy...

Coming Full Circle (part 4)...

I relived the many conversations both the Chief and I have had concerning why we chose special needs adoption. Why didn't we wait for a "healthy" child when we willingly signed up for the Waiting Child program. Our answer was always the same. If Wild Man had been born an orphan in China, he would have been passed over for a healthier child without so many unknowns. I am certain most people would've read what looks like a big scary word like laryngomalacia (severe) and never stopped to learn more about him. It breaks my heart to think of the joy we could have missed if we had been given a choice, at 24 years old, to parent a child outside the parameters of healthy and typically developing. Would we willingly have said yes when we could have chosen a much easier road? I don't know. I like to think we would have but I'll know that for sure.

It all felt so clear to me. This wouldn't be our first rodeo. That big scary word--laryngomalacia--didn't scare me any more. Hernia and hydrocele--it was a piece of cake to repair. Developmental delays--I know who to call and how to help this time. All the details just confirmed to me over and over that Little Buddy was OUR Little Buddy. Yes, there were unknowns, but for whatever reason, they didn't make me run for the hills. My "YES" was on the table. There was only one slight problem. The Chief. You know, my best friend and the love of my life? The one who is perfectly content with the three children we have? The one who essentially rolled his eyes and went back to bed last night? Well, it was a long shot but I had one thing in my favor. He said, "The Lord will have to make it CRYSTAL CLEAR we have another child because I am DONE!". I was pretty sure the Lord had just handed him exactly what he asked for...a crystal clear answer.

Several days passed and I couldn't stop thinking about Little Buddy. I honestly felt if we walked away from this little boy we would regret it for the rest of our lives. I had prayed and pleaded but didn't seem to be getting anywhere. We marched through the usual discussions which we saw from very different yet equally legitimate viewpoints. His being the provider and mine being the nurturer. To him, he saw the what-ifs. How will we ______? Have you considered what we will do if _____? Do you realize everyone is going to think we're _______? To me, there was a little boy who needed a family who appeared to be perfectly made for us. Does everything always have to be perfectly planned and thought out? What if the Lord was asking us to trust Him? What if He brought all of these circumstances together in one scenario to give the Chief the crystal clear answer he needed. It was the proverbial mountain that seemed immovable from either side.

Five days later he came home from work and asked to speak to me privately. The conversation began like many of the previous ones. Money, time, what-ifs but this time there was one word that changed everything.

BUT.

These are all the reasons why now is not the right time to do this BUT...

Maybe there IS something to this...

Maybe the Lord IS trying to tell us something...

I know I'm looking at this very logically. That's what I'm suppose to do but what if...

Can you request more information?

Call whoever you need to call and have his file reviewed by a doctor.

If we lock his file how long do we have to make a decision?

I need a detailed plan of how you think we can make this happen.

I'm not saying yes. I'm saying maybe and I will pray about it.

Maybe? MAYBE? I'll take maybe! I did everything he asked. I sent the file for review. I requested more information from the orphanage. I made a plan. I called a few trusted friends and asked them to pray for us. It was obvious to me. It was obvious to everyone I told this story to. We were made for him. He was made for us.

The agency gave us a deadline of one week from that day. The Chief was traveling most of that week which gave us the added stress of making this decision over the phone. Lots of talking, questions, what-ifs, fears but most importantly praying together about God's plan for our family and Little Buddy. With each question we came back to the details. There were so many that pointed to the same conclusion. How could we say no?

On the morning of Tuesday October 25 we said YES! That was the day I heard my sweet husband say he was choosing to trust the Lord even when it didn't fit into his plan or his Excel spreadsheet. He vividly saw the obvious from day one with Little Buddy but it took him a while to acknowledge it. Nine years ago we were led down a path we didn't expect. Nine years later God used those years to make this new path crystal clear. He used it to bring us full circle from one amazing son to another. The mountain I had felt was immovable? God picked it up and cast it away in a matter of 12 days.

I'm sure there are those who will chalk this story up to coincidence or perhaps they will think it's too good to be true. I can assure you, in this case, it is not. Every single detail is a tiny fingerprint from God showing how He had His hand in this story from beginning to end. They were exactly the fingerprints we needed to take this leap of faith. I wondered, prayed and pleaded for answers to why He was asking me to "wait". Now I know without a doubt. I was waiting for the child He chose for us...our "Little Buddy". I was waiting for GOD to change my husband's heart...not me. If I had changed the Chief's mind I could have given myself a big pat on the back. Perhaps I would have thought I actually had something to do with his change of heart. But I didn't. I don't deserve a pat on the back for moving this mountain. God does and He will forever get the glory for this little miracle He has given to me, to my children and to my amazing husband.

We are missing several pieces to the puzzle in this adoption. However, we are choosing to trust the Lord even when we don't have it all figured out. We have no doubt He will provide everything we need to bring our little caboose HOME!

I prayed for this child,
and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him.
-1 Samuel 1:27

Coming Full Circle (part 3)...

I sat at our desk for about half an hour before I moved a muscle. Really, Lord? After the tension in this house over the past few weeks? You give me THIS? What am I suppose to do with THIS? You KNOW he's going to say no. What's the point? This all seems a little too good to be true, which has happened before, so why would this scenario be any different than the others?

BUT...

How can I ignore the obvious? He has eyes just like Mei Mei? His name is "Little Buddy"? This list says You created him just like Wild Man? What are all these butterflies flipping around in my stomach?

So what did I do? I did what any emotionally confused wife would do. I woke my husband from a dead sleep at midnight, insisted he get out of bed and come see something I was certain he wouldn't be excited about seeing (but I was going to show him anyway). ;) Convincing, huh? I explained to him that I knew he wouldn't want to see what I needed to show him. However, I NEEDED him to see it. Right now. Not tomorrow. NOW.

Reluctantly and with one eye open he staggered across the house to see what I had found. I explained all the reasons he should want to see this. 1...2...3...4... See? Isn't it interesting? Don't you find the details the least bit interesting? {chirp--chirp--crickets} His reply? "I'm going back to bed". Hmmmmph. Well, THAT went well.

The next day I couldn't stop thinking about "Little Buddy". I had been waiting but didn't know what I was waiting on. What if he was it? What if there was more to his story? I needed to know more so, unbeknownst to the Chief, I contacted the agency and requested the file. Within a few hours it was sitting in my Inbox.

Very quickly I discovered several more similarities within his full file...

-Little Buddy is from the same Chinese province as our Mei Mei. China is an enormous country with billions of people and their cities are in the same province less than two hours apart.

-At the time we were in China adopting Mei Mei, Little Buddy was two months shy of being born with birth parents likely living a few hours away from us. I remember feeling as if we would return but did not know for what reason. I certainly didn't feel it would be for another adoption when I wrote this. I was reminded of this post when I did the math and realized he was there when we were there.

-He was born on the birthday of one of my very best friends of nearly 20 years. This is the same friend who delivered her son while we were in China and welcomed us home at the airport less than a week later.

-He is 21 months younger than Mei Mei who happens to be 21 months younger than Little Miss.

-While we were planning the final details of Mei Mei's first birthday celebration at home, Little Buddy was entering his new home at the orphanage. This was also around the time (spring 2010) I started feeling as if we had room for one more.

-In the spring of this year my sweet friend Julie told me to "close my mouth and pray. Stop talking to him and start talking to Him". Remember that conversation? Well, according to his file, around the very same time Little Buddy's orphanage began preparing his paperwork for adoption. Coincidence? I don't think so...

All of these were small yet significant details. However, the ones that stopped me in my tracks were the ones concerning Little Buddy's special needs and development. When I read his file it was as if I was reading about Wild Man. Even their growth chart curves mirror each other. The only difference is Wild Man had a family. A family who made sure he received the medical treatment, surgery and therapy he needed to thrive. Little Buddy? He has no one. That was enough to prevent me from walking away...not yet.

Coming Full Circle (part 2)...

{NOTE: In our family all the boys names begin with one specific letter and the girls another. It was a tradition we created accidentally but had to keep going after Little Miss was born. Most of you know I blog anonymously so I can't tell you the letters or names in this instance. You'll need to use your imagination along the way for part 2.}

Since the day Little Miss was born Wild Man has prayed diligently and without hesitation for a brother. Not that he doesn't love his little sisters but it's just his desire to have another boy in the house. In his mind, with three girls and two boys in this family, we need at least one more boy to even up the score. He has known the Chief's stance on this topic so he also prayed diligently for God to change Daddy's heart. The year after Mei Mei joined our family, Little Miss joined her big brother in the same prayer as well. Collectively, for the past year and a half, the three of us have prayed for the same thing...a baby brother named "Little Buddy" (see note above).

In early October I came across a little boy on a special focus list. The name given to him by the agency was Owen. He was precious and had needs I felt we could handle. I purposely left his photo pulled up on the laptop to see if I could get a reaction from the Chief. Oh yes, I got one. It just wasn't the reaction I was hoping for. We waded through the same conversations we've had a million times. He was annoyed. I was broken hearted. The door was closed... or so it seemed.

Over the next week random things happened reminding both of us of our recent disagreement... music on the radio, sermons at church, the prayers of our children, skits in the children's ministry about ORPHANS, random emails from friends saying they felt the need to pray for us though they knew nothing about the current situation. It seemed as if God was at work but I couldn't figure out how. Was it for Owen? Someone else? Something else? As much as I searched I couldn't find the answer.

Very late on the night of October 13th I was perusing the special focus list of Bay Area Adoption Services. This agency comes highly recommended and keeps their online secured files up to date. It was the same list Owen was listed and the only one I could bring myself to view over the past 18 months. It was too hard to see their sweet faces and walk away so I only allowed myself to randomly peek at their special focus list. That night I could tell several new faces had been added so I slowly paged through the file.

About half way through the list I came across a little one who immediately caught my eye. My first thought was, "Oh my goodness! He has eyes like Mei Mei!". I know that may sound silly but I don't mean he simply has Asian eyes. When we received Mei Mei's referral, I remember both the Chief and I saying countless times there was something about her eyes. They were deep and soulful and drew us in immediately. There was something about this little ones eyes that did the same.

As I clicked the photograph to enlarge his sweet little face the words took me aback. This particular agency assigns their special focus children English names. It is not their official name once they are adopted but one given to them for easy reference. This sweet little boy with eyes like Mei Mei? His name was "Little Buddy"! Of the thousands of names in the English language that could have been chosen for him, he was given the specific name our family had been praying for. LITTLE BUDDY. As if that wasn't enough for this Mommy heart to handle, I glanced directly below his name and read the following...

laryngomalacia (severe)
hernia
hydrocele

If you read part one you may recognize these diagnoses. If not, the rest of this story will not make much sense. I'll wait while you click over and catch up...

So NOW do you see why these diagnoses are important to the story? Over the years I've probably glanced through thousands of brief descriptions of Chinese children. I've reviewed many complete files on my own for various reasons. Not ONE time have I EVER seen a child diagnosed with laryngomalacia. EVER. Not only did "Little Buddy" have a diagnosis of larygnomalacia, he also carried the diagnoses of hernia and hydrocele. Two completely unrelated diagnoses in different systems of his sweet little body. It appeared God created "Little Buddy" exactly as he created the sweet baby boy who made me us parents nine years ago last month.

I'm not a girl who believes in coincidence. Coincidence simply means God's way of showing us He's in the details of EVERYTHING. My mind was racing. It was late. The Chief was already asleep. I was sitting in disbelief while staring at a computer screen asking this question...

Ummmm... Lord? What in the world should I do with THIS?

Coming Full Circle (part 1)...

Nine years ago last month we abruptly entered the world of parenthood. We experienced the typical adjustments of first time parenting plus a few extras along the way. It was bittersweet as we learned to love our tiny gift from God while attempting to navigate the road before us. If you had reviewed Wild Man's medical file during his first few years of life, you would have read the following...

Laryngomalacia (severe)
Hernia
Hydrocele
GE Reflux (mod-severe)
Failure to thrive (drop in weight from 50% at birth to below the chart)
Developmental Delays

This list wasn't part of our plan but we did the best we could to embrace it. Now I know you're all staring at the first one. Believe me, I felt the same way. LARYNGOMALACIA (pronounced lah-reen-go-mah-lay-sha)?? It looks like a pretty scary word, doesn't it? I was a Pediatric CCU nurse at the time and had never even heard of it. Initially I thought that was good news. If kids with this diagnosis don't land in the PCCU then it must not be a big deal. Right? Well, guess who ended up in the PCCU? 99% of children with larygnomalacia outgrow it before the age of two. Our son? Well, he fell into the 1% of that statistic--severe laryngomalacia--with children who struggle to take every breath, can't gain weight, fall off the growth chart and need surgical intervention. This wasn't exactly how we imagined our first few months together as a new family but we learned quickly how to improvise.

Countless medical appointments, several hospitalizations, two surgeries, a bucket of tears and more sleepless nights than I care to count. To say the first six months were hard would be an understatement. Thankfully by 6 months of age he was making great strides and life slowed down a bit for us to catch our breath. Developmentally he continued to lag behind in a few areas and the next three years brought it's own set of challenges as he/we conquered them one by one. We stood firm in our quest to give him all he needed to catch up and, by the grace of God, catch up he certainly did. He exceeded all expectations and kissed those developmental delays and undeserved diagnoses goodbye.

Fast forward...

Little Miss, also known as our little SURPRISE, was born around this time (June 2006) and all was right with the world. She was the epitome of typically developing and we were enjoying life as a family of four. Shortly after her first birthday discussions of adoption began to resurface. In hindsight, we very easily could have missed the blessings of Little Miss and Mei Mei if God had answered our prayers during those first few years of parenthood. I'm so thankful He knew so much more than we did at the time. The whole omniscient thing--it's a great characteristic to have when you're the creator of the universe.

About six months after we returned from China, I started to feel as if we had room for one more. Believe me... it surprised even me after the days of transition with Mei Mei. I vividly recall asking close friends to tie me up and knock me over the head if I EVER thought about adopting another child. Thankfully time was good perspective and slowly the Lord changed my heart. No, we aren't the perfect family--not even close--but we have love to give and a great God to share. At the end of my life I know nothing will matter more than that.

Since that time I've come across several little ones who've captured my heart. I prayed and pleaded and prayed and pleaded and prayed. Neither of which changed the final outcome. The answer from my dear yet reluctant husband was always the same.

"No."

"I'm done."

"How do you think we will educate/feed/clothe another child or finance an adoption??"

"It's not the right time."

"If we adopt again, the Lord will have to make it crystal clear, because I'm just not feelin' it."

"That's the end of it."

I spent countless months praying the same prayer. God, PLEASE take away this desire of my heart to adopt again if it's not YOUR plan for our family. OR. PLEASE give it to the Chief. Obviously I can't accidentally adopt a child on my own and honestly I didn't want to. I wanted my husband, my very best friend and the leader of our family to want to adopt a little one who needed a family as much as I did. It felt as if that day would NEVER come.

On more than one occasion I felt the Lord was clearly asking me to "wait". That's a tall order for this very type A kind of girl. Wait? Wait for what? That was not the answer I wanted to hear although I knew in my heart it was exactly what He was asking me to do. I wrestled with so many things during that time. Where was God in the midst of the "no"? Wasn't His heart for the least of these? Why would He give me the desire but not my husband? How could God hear the precious prayers of my oldest two children...prayers asking Him to change Daddy's heart...but never come through with an answer? Why would a decision that seemed so right cause so much disappointment?

In March of this year my dear friend Julie, who I consider one of the most Godly women I've ever known, asked me to do two things. "Close your mouth and pray. Stop talking to him and start talking to Him". Simple but profound, isn't it? So I changed my tune. I stopped talking to my "no" and started talking to my "yes". Yes, there were a few times I brought it up but I tried hard to keep it out of our daily conversations as a family. I encouraged Wild Man and Little Miss to do the same.

Then early October came and everything changed...

Introducing our caboose...

Two months ago today this little one stared right into my Mommy heart...
and I knew at that moment he was meant to be ours...
As his story unfolded it became very clear he was a perfect fit for our family...

and perhaps we were a perfect fit for him...
Twelve days later we put our fears aside...
and officially became a family of SIX!


Introducing Little Buddy
born December 18, 2009
Bao'an Children's Welfare Institute
Shenzhen City, Guangdong, China
coming home summer 2012

(more details to come)