the BIG Three-Oh!

Remember when 30 meant...

...you were old?
...you were wise and had all the answers?
...you had found your place in the world?
...you were officially **gasp** a grown up?

It wasn't that long ago I bought into the description of turning the dreaded Three-Oh. Now that I'm here, the only part I can confirm is that I officially feel like a grown up. The rest is up for debate.

For some reason, being twentysomething feels different than being thirty. When I was twentysomething (ummm...like...yesterday), I felt a little too young to wear such adult shoes. I married my hubby while some of my friends were still trying to declare a college major. I graduated from college, accepted an internship in Pediatric Critical Care, cared for critically ill children (some not much younger than me), bought a house, birthed a bouncing baby boy and walked through some of the toughest days of my life, all before the age of 25. At times I felt like the odd man out so to speak...always the baby, the inexperienced one, the one trying to earn the approval of the others.

Today, life feels different. No longer am I a twentysomething living a grown up life. Today, I'm the real deal! I am a 30 year old woman happily married to the love of my life. I am the Mother of two precious gifts from God and another growing within my heart. My schedule is filled with obligations, most of which I enjoy. My floors are littered with goldfish, baby dolls and match box cars. My to-do-list is endless and my laundry room is always in use. Some days I feel like Bill Murray in the movie Groundhog Day. I'm not waking up every morning in Punxsutawney, PA but some mornings I feel like I have. My feet hit the floor carrying me through the same routine as they did the day before (and the day before and the day before that...). But you know what? This is the life I prayed for and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I have spent much of my 30 years being an "over analyzer". Some would call me a "worrier" but I don't think that is the right description. It is the "what if's", at times, that consume my thoughts. I wish I could say this was something I developed in the past few years but I can't. I was always the child worried about making friends, pleasing other people and distributing my time equally between stuffed animals as not to hurt the other toys feelings. I remember, as a small child, lying awake at night in silent fear that something would happen to the people I loved. With the exception of the stuffed animals, not much has changed 25 years later.

Beginning today, on my 30th birthday, I am making an intentional effort to live the next 2/3 of my life enjoying the moments. I can't promise the "what-if's" will not creep into my thoughts. I am human, after all. What I am promising is that I am going to attempt to live each day without fear. I am going to attempt to appreciate the miracle of my "Groundhog Day" life. I am going to attempt to teach my children to wholeheartedly put their faith and trust in God from the beginning, not decades later. I am going to attempt to live each moment without fear of what may come tomorrow. I am going to attempt to "let go and let God" because I know He is bigger than any worry I carry silently within my heart.

Happy 30th Birthday Mommy M. Womble! From this day forward may you sing the words of this song and truly mean them...

Miracle of the Moment
by Steven Curtis Chapman
From the album This Moment

It’s time for letting go
All of our if only’s
‘Cause we don’t have a time machine
And even if we did
Would we really want to use it?
Would we really want to go change everything?
‘Cause we are who and where and what we are for now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

Chorus:
So breathe it in and breathe it out
Listen to your heartbeat
There’s a wonder in the here and now
It’s right there in front of you
And I don’t want you to miss
The miracle of the moment

There’s only one who knows
What’s really out there waiting
In all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know
Is He’s out there waiting
To Him the future’s history
And He has given us a treasure called right now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

And if it brings you tears
Then taste them as they fall
And let them soften your heart
And if it brings you laughter
Then throw your head back
And let it go, let it go
You gotta let it go
Listen to your heartbeat

{cake made by Daddy on 7-26-08}