Coming Full Circle (part 1)...

Nine years ago last month we abruptly entered the world of parenthood. We experienced the typical adjustments of first time parenting plus a few extras along the way. It was bittersweet as we learned to love our tiny gift from God while attempting to navigate the road before us. If you had reviewed Wild Man's medical file during his first few years of life, you would have read the following...

Laryngomalacia (severe)
Hernia
Hydrocele
GE Reflux (mod-severe)
Failure to thrive (drop in weight from 50% at birth to below the chart)
Developmental Delays

This list wasn't part of our plan but we did the best we could to embrace it. Now I know you're all staring at the first one. Believe me, I felt the same way. LARYNGOMALACIA (pronounced lah-reen-go-mah-lay-sha)?? It looks like a pretty scary word, doesn't it? I was a Pediatric CCU nurse at the time and had never even heard of it. Initially I thought that was good news. If kids with this diagnosis don't land in the PCCU then it must not be a big deal. Right? Well, guess who ended up in the PCCU? 99% of children with larygnomalacia outgrow it before the age of two. Our son? Well, he fell into the 1% of that statistic--severe laryngomalacia--with children who struggle to take every breath, can't gain weight, fall off the growth chart and need surgical intervention. This wasn't exactly how we imagined our first few months together as a new family but we learned quickly how to improvise.

Countless medical appointments, several hospitalizations, two surgeries, a bucket of tears and more sleepless nights than I care to count. To say the first six months were hard would be an understatement. Thankfully by 6 months of age he was making great strides and life slowed down a bit for us to catch our breath. Developmentally he continued to lag behind in a few areas and the next three years brought it's own set of challenges as he/we conquered them one by one. We stood firm in our quest to give him all he needed to catch up and, by the grace of God, catch up he certainly did. He exceeded all expectations and kissed those developmental delays and undeserved diagnoses goodbye.

Fast forward...

Little Miss, also known as our little SURPRISE, was born around this time (June 2006) and all was right with the world. She was the epitome of typically developing and we were enjoying life as a family of four. Shortly after her first birthday discussions of adoption began to resurface. In hindsight, we very easily could have missed the blessings of Little Miss and Mei Mei if God had answered our prayers during those first few years of parenthood. I'm so thankful He knew so much more than we did at the time. The whole omniscient thing--it's a great characteristic to have when you're the creator of the universe.

About six months after we returned from China, I started to feel as if we had room for one more. Believe me... it surprised even me after the days of transition with Mei Mei. I vividly recall asking close friends to tie me up and knock me over the head if I EVER thought about adopting another child. Thankfully time was good perspective and slowly the Lord changed my heart. No, we aren't the perfect family--not even close--but we have love to give and a great God to share. At the end of my life I know nothing will matter more than that.

Since that time I've come across several little ones who've captured my heart. I prayed and pleaded and prayed and pleaded and prayed. Neither of which changed the final outcome. The answer from my dear yet reluctant husband was always the same.

"No."

"I'm done."

"How do you think we will educate/feed/clothe another child or finance an adoption??"

"It's not the right time."

"If we adopt again, the Lord will have to make it crystal clear, because I'm just not feelin' it."

"That's the end of it."

I spent countless months praying the same prayer. God, PLEASE take away this desire of my heart to adopt again if it's not YOUR plan for our family. OR. PLEASE give it to the Chief. Obviously I can't accidentally adopt a child on my own and honestly I didn't want to. I wanted my husband, my very best friend and the leader of our family to want to adopt a little one who needed a family as much as I did. It felt as if that day would NEVER come.

On more than one occasion I felt the Lord was clearly asking me to "wait". That's a tall order for this very type A kind of girl. Wait? Wait for what? That was not the answer I wanted to hear although I knew in my heart it was exactly what He was asking me to do. I wrestled with so many things during that time. Where was God in the midst of the "no"? Wasn't His heart for the least of these? Why would He give me the desire but not my husband? How could God hear the precious prayers of my oldest two children...prayers asking Him to change Daddy's heart...but never come through with an answer? Why would a decision that seemed so right cause so much disappointment?

In March of this year my dear friend Julie, who I consider one of the most Godly women I've ever known, asked me to do two things. "Close your mouth and pray. Stop talking to him and start talking to Him". Simple but profound, isn't it? So I changed my tune. I stopped talking to my "no" and started talking to my "yes". Yes, there were a few times I brought it up but I tried hard to keep it out of our daily conversations as a family. I encouraged Wild Man and Little Miss to do the same.

Then early October came and everything changed...