T Minus 3 days and counting...

3 days 17 hrs 14 min and 10 seconds to be exact. Our trip is no longer "in February". It is THIS week. THIS WEEK GIRLS! Can I just be honest and say I am freakin' out? Well, even if you don't want to hear it I'm going to say it anyway. I'M FREAKIN' OUT! Don't get me wrong, I am so excited about spending this much needed time with my husband. The trip itself and everything that goes along with it is going to be awesome. Romantic city. Sightseeing. Tons of things to do. Great food. And of course a few surprises up my sleeve. It's going to the best!

Now, here's the flip side...I just wish I could have my cake and eat it too. You know, a fantastic trip with my hubby that my children could be there but not really be there. A way for us to get away without really getting away. I know what you are thinking. HELLO? MOMMY? Wasn't it YOU who planned this trip? What's your problem? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I know. I'm not sure what I was smokin' at the time that I was playing Mission: Big Secret Christmas Surprise of the Century. I had to be under the influence of something? What it was I'm not sure.

Clearly, when I was planning this amazing trip for my sweetie I was suffering from amnesia. Somehow I forgot about my paralyzing fear of flying. How did I miss the fact that San Francisco happens to be one of the longest in-country plane rides I could have chosen. How could I have forgotten what happens to my anxiety level at the mere thought of being near an airplane. I haven't been on an airplane since September 15, 2001. The day after the FAA allowed planes back in the air after 9/11. Just ask our friends Rachel and James (the only friends I've ever flown with other than Daddy). They'll tell ya...I turn into a real nut job. Anybody have any Xanax?

Then comes factor #2...I have major issues with leaving my children. Maybe if I did it more often it might not seem so difficult. We've never left both of them more than one night...less than 24 hours at a time. Then there's the fact that I tend to "what-if" myself too much. "What if" they get sick (or worse) and I'm a 4-5 hr plane ride away? What if J and MG miss us? What if...what if...what if... I told ya, a real nut job.

I know without question J and MG are going to be in very capable hands. First and foremost, they are in God's hands all the time though we Mommy people tend to forget that sometimes. Second, they are going to have a fun filled week of Grammy and NeNe. I'm sure they are WAY more fun than Mommy and Daddy. It's not that I don't think they will be loved and cared for. I can ASSURE you I would NOT leave them with anyone who didn't think they could take care of them. I'm just scared of leaving them. Which brings me to another fear that is already looming in the back of my head...if I have this hard of time leaving them for 5.5 days what am I going to do when we board a plane for a TWO WEEK trip to China to bring home baby sister? (insert huge googley eyes here) [Thou shalt not think of that one Mommy. One irrational fear at a time baby girl...]

OK, I was hoping if I wrote all of this down I might find some peace. I'm not finding much right now. I have such a broad spectrum of emotions right now. I am excited. I am heart sick. I am thrilled. I am nervous. I am close to the panic button. I am just all over the place. I know it's going to be great. Really, I do. But now that it's here I'm a little bit on edge. I think a little might be an understatement.

3 days 16 hours 55 min 58 seconds and counting...