China Day 9: Visiting Baoan

Today we drove two hours southeast of Guangzhou to visit Little Buddy's orphanage.  It was somewhat surreal to travel the very same route we took on the day we visited Mei Mei's foster home.  It looked familiar to us immediately.  The city she lived is half way between Guangzhou and Little Buddy's off the same interstate.  I had this little pit in my stomach as we drove by the exit for Dongguan City.  Oh sweet Mei Mei... we've come so far since that September day.

After sitting in traffic for what seemed like FOREVER, we finally arrived to Bao'an Social Welfare Institute.

We entered through the security gate and drove into the front courtyard.  As the van door opened, there was a woman standing there calling Little Buddy's name... "Jian Jian!  Jian Jian!" (pronounced gee-in gee-in but spoken really fast like it's one word).  Before the Chief could even put up a protest she had reached for Little Buddy and taken him out of his arms.  She was OVERWHELMINGLY thrilled to see him.  She smiled at us, shook her head and squeezed him as tight as she could.  I knew it HAD to be Foster Mom.

My first reaction was to ask for him back.  I know all the "rules".  I know all the "no-no's" in the world of adopted children.  I knew in that moment we could be setting ourselves up for a step backward with Little Buddy.  I knew but I couldn't do it.  This sweet woman has loved him for the past 8 months.  How could I take away this last hour away from her?  From him?  I knew they both needed to say goodbye.

We were led to a room to the left of the front entrance...
 

Foster Mom sat down with Little Buddy and pulled out a little sack filled with what I assume are his favorite snacks.  I could tell he was so happy to see her.  We were able to ask questions about his time with her and lots of general questions about his day to day routine. 

Little Buddy lived in the home with his foster parents, their 7 year old daughter and his foster brother since November 2011.  I immediately noticed the outfit foster brother had on as the outfit Little Buddy wore in some of our photos.  :)

He plays well with other children and enjoys any kind of toy.  He's not picky at all and loves to drink water.  His foster brother is a biter (haha) so Jian Jian learned to bite back.  We learned that the hard way as evidenced by the lovely purple bruise Jian Jian gifted his Baba the day before.  Maybe we should have asked that one on Monday.  :)

Shortly after we arrived the officials from the orphanage came in.  I immediately noticed the woman who came to Civil Affairs on Monday.  She seemed happy to see us and Little Buddy.  She presented us with a copy of the note that was left with our son on the day he was found.  She also allowed me to take a photograph of it though we could not have the original.  Again there was a surprise included in this note.  It seems our Little Buddy may be full of surprises.  We'll figure it out when we get home.

Foster Mom decided to stay during our tour of the orphanage.  She walked around with us and spent time with Little Buddy.  I wanted to melt into a puddle more than once as we walked behind them on our tour.  This sweet woman who has loved and snuggled our son for the past 8 months had to say goodbye today.   

Overall it seemed like a cheerful place aesthetically.  Brightly colored walls.  Rooms of toys put away nice and neat.  It felt strangely familiar after all the photos and video over the past nine months though we've never actually been there.

Although I must say it also felt very sterile.  It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.  How are that many children quiet at the same time?  My immediate thought was I wonder how many children actually play in this room? 

The orphanage has a central courtyard with the playground in the middle.  I have several photos of Little Buddy on this play set. 

and one of him sitting on the steps of this slide.  He doesn't look very happy here but I had to have this photo...

The tour had gone well up until this point.  Then we turned the corner and reality once again slapped us in the face...

We moved down one doorway and entered the room where our son lived at the orphanage.  He spent most of his first two years of life in this room.  He entered foster care in November and returned to the same room a week before he met us.




This was the bed he slept in the week before he came to us.  It's already occupied by another child...



After about 5 minutes in this room talking with the orphanage staff and our guide, his ayi (caregiver) swooped him away from Foster Mom. 

He wasn't thrilled to be with her and wanted to come back to me quickly.  Foster Mom gladly scooped him back up and moved on.  

As we walked away from that room there was this part of me that wanted to run back as fast as I could.  I wanted to run over to each child. I wanted to pick them up and love them. I wanted to tell them how beautiful and precious and PERFECT they are exactly the way God made them.  I wanted them to know they are valued no matter what their circumstances may be.  Walking away from an orphanage filled with little lives is excrutiating for this Momma's heart.  Why does it have to be this way??

Little Buddy bounced back and forth between us and Foster Mom during our visit.  I honestly think closure is what both of them needed.  He kept looking for us and was sure not to let us get too far away before he fussed about it.  I'm sure it was confusing for him but Elvin continued to reassure him that we were only there to visit and he would be going back in the van with Baba, this Mama (me) and Gugu. 

We also visited the medical area of Bao'an...

After our tour we went back to the first room to say our goodbyes.  Foster Mom carried him back...

Once we returned to the room she said she didn't want to hold him any more.  She said "too hard".  We let him say goodbye to his foster brother.  They shook hands and this Momma nearly lost it right there.  We learned foster brother is suppose to be adopted in September.  I wrote down his name so I will be searching for his family soon.

Then we all walked out together...Jian Jian in the middle with Foster Mom on one side and both of his brother's on the other.  It felt very symbolic as they walked away together.  I can't even imagine what this sweet woman was feeling at this moment...

With the orphanage representatives...

And Foster Mom and brother...

 

Little Buddy must of known it was time to leave.  He reached for me, blew Foster Mom a few kisses, gave a wave to his foster brother and in the van we went. 

Foster Mom stood beside the van smiling, calling his name and waving exactly as he arrived, "Jian Jian!  Jian Jian!".  This time it was through teary eyes.  I am thankful for the opportunity to meet this sweet woman who cared for our son.  It was obvious she loved him and for that we are eternally grateful.

Yes, we broke all the rules today but at this moment we are OK with that. We truly believe this was the best thing for everyone involved. Foster Mom has loved our son for the past 8 months. We've known him for four days. Who are we to tell her she can't love on him one last time?

In the end Jian Jian willingly came with us but hopefully had the closure he needed. I know Foster Mom did as well. As a Mother myself I felt she deserved this time with him.   It was worth it.

As for Bao-an?  My overall impression is it's a very clean, well manicured concrete building.  It is decorated cheerfully.  There are toys available (though I wonder how much they are played with).  But it's an orphanage.  There were no voices.  No laughter.  No chatter.  No singing.  Just a calm quiet sterile building with little people inside.  I wish every single person I know could have been with us today.  I know it would change the lives of the people I love just as it has changed us. 
   
The rest of our time in Shenzhen was spent trying to find Little Buddy's finding location.  We feel strongly that this story is Little Buddy's story to tell so we won't be sharing that information here.  However, what I can tell you is this.  Today I stood in the spot where our Little Buddy was left behind.  There is so much I wish I knew about that day.  What were their circumstances?  What were they thinking when they had to walk away?  I wish I could somehow let them know he will be loved and cherished forever.

It was a LONG emotional day for all of us.  LOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGGGG... but we are thankful for the opportunity we had to visit.  I pray we can remember every detail of today so we can share it with our son when the time comes.