~ sent 4:37 am China time / 3:37 pm CST
Today was a fairly low key day. We were stuck in the hotel most of the day because of the typhoon rains. The rain would stop, the sun would come out, we would grab our things, go downstairs and by the time we got off the elevator the bottom had fallen out AGAIN! I think it helps MeiMei to get out of the hotel but the rain is making it nearly impossible. I think by Saturday the remnants of the typhoon will be gone and we can get out.
MeiMei decided during breakfast that Daddy is wonderful and Mommy is NOT! She has been calling him "guoguo" which we discovered this afternoon means older brother in Cantonese. It makes sense because her foster parents were older and they had an older son in his 20's who we think was very active in her life. So right now she thinks the Chief is her big brother and I am a big scary brownish haired woman who IS NOT her Mommy. If anyone says anything about "Mama or Mommy" she shakes her head no and points out the window as if to say "SHE IS NOT MY MOMMY! MY MAMA IS OUT THERE". It nearly rips my heart out every time. She called her foster mother "Mama" so I am calling myself "Mommy" to try to seperate the two names but she's not buying it.
She came out of her shell very briefly in Lori and Anthony's room this morning. No smiles or laughter but she wasn't crying so that is an improvement. Lily was playing with toys and she wanted to play too. She was talking a little, sharing goldfish with Lily and playing ball from the Chief's lap. No smiles or anything and she refuses to let her feet touch the floor even though she REALLY wanted some toys she could not reach.
Our only official appointment was to have MeiMei's passport photo made at the local police station. She was dressed so cute and actually kept her bow on her head until they made her take it off for the photo. She's going to be a little irritated with me someday that she has crazy hair in her Chinese passport. They wouldn't even give me time to comb it down before they snapped the picture. Grrrr...
We took the Guarino's back to La Dolce Vita for dinner tonight. MeiMei ate spaghetti and loved it. She will fit right in with her new family. We've never met a pasta we didn't like. I had lasagna which was...well...it was not MY lasagna but it was OK. Comfort food is not always comfort food when you are away from home.
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(DO NOT READ THIS PARAGRAPH TO OUR CHILDREN AT HOME)
Overall I think her day today was the same as yesterday except for that brief period with Lily this morning. She pretty much despises everything about me. She will not even let me feed her now. The Chief has to do it or she won't eat. I KNOW she has every right to feel this way. I KNOW this is normal for her to grieve in this way. I KNOW it is a good sign that she was loved and she will attach to us later. I KNEW this was a possibility but I won't lie and say I'm fine with it. It is very painful for me to be completely rejected. I have loved her for sooo long--even before I knew her face--and she won't let me within a few feet of her without clinging to the Chief like I'm an alien. I know this is hard for the Chief as well both physically and emotionally. It is so hard to see the other children in our travel group adjusting well and MeiMei so incredibly sad. I miss Wild Man and Little Miss more than I can articulate. One of my best friends is having her baby tomorrow and I won't be there. I am so ready to get on that plane and we're only half way there.
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Praying tomorrow is a better day for all of us...
love Mommy, the Chief and MeiMei
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Day 8: Passport Photo Day
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28 comments:
I understand how it is to wait to meet your baby and then be rejected. It is very painful. A little trick we figured out from our 1st adoption and then used with Ren (Ren rejected me in China and loved his daddy) was to let Ren see my husband kiss and hug me. I have seen this work for other families too. Don't know why it works but it does and is fun in the process too ;-). Blessings to you all! And congratulations on your new little one!
Elaine
Oh dear, it will get better, I promise. Right now with the jetlag and all the emotions, and being away from your other babies, everything seems worse than it is, and MeiMei will come around and love you SO much!!!!! The first few weeks are hard, but it will soon be forgotten, trust me. Hang in there!!!! The Chief will have STRONG arms by the time you guys get back!!!!!
Hugs from GA,
Laura
Well at least it was a lazy day. One day closer to going home that is how you can look at it. Hope the medical exam goes ok today. Like I said hey at least she is clinging to one of you. She will in her own time love her Mommy....she will! Hope the rain lets up and you guys can get out without issue today. She is beautiful!!!!!
Love you!
Mommy, I am praying for you and MeiMei. You are right, this will be but a memory someday. When you get home, she will probably really bond with Little Miss, who is closer to her age and a little girl.
Keep your chin up and your arms open. She'll get it someday soon.
I'm so sorry that little Mei Mei is pushing you away right now. I can't imagine how heartbreaking it is. Our Maia wouldn't let my husband come anywhere near her in China, either, and it was so hard for him to love her from a distance. But she really warmed up to him quickly at home and soon realized she could love and trust him, too. I know this might not be super helpful, but I think things will be so different at home for you, too. Please know that we're praying for you back home and you're doing wonderful job! We co-sleep with our Maia, too (shhhhh). It's actually a wonderful bonding experience......although a tough one to break!
I wish I could give you a big hug as I know there are no words to make you feel better right now. I hope you at least get some sunny weather because you could do some shopping damage without a baby on your hip.... maybe, at least a little payoff... I will pray for Mei Mei to soften her heart and for sunshine.
Love you,
Amy
Never commented before, don't even remember how I found your blog, but I love it, and my heart is breaking for you. Hang in there, sister. This is such a brief beginning to a better forever! I will pray for a better day for you tomorrow and that your baby girl's heart will be softened.
God Bless from SC,
Keri
I am so sorry to hear you had another rough day. I do think things will get much better when you get her home. She will no doubt love her big brother and big sister and they will be a good distraction for her. Hang in there -- your trip is half over!
She is so precious! Mommy I could not imagine how you feel, but I do know that this will pass. Stay strong. I am praying for you guys each day. Oh and I love all her cute little outfits. :)
I have never been through this, so I just want to let you know that you have many prayers going up for you by so many people! I started reading your blog a few months ago, and have only comments a few times. Right now it sounds like you NEED to hear from all of us... so I wanted to let you know that, I for one, am still here to pray and support you! You will soon be home and MeiMei will love you all!
{{{hugs}}} from Columbia, SC
I am so sorry that you have to go through this pain...but she will come around. I know that doesn't make it any easier. Maggie adjusted fairly quickly to us, but she was taken from her foster family a few months before we came, so I really think that she had already grieved them. Who knows? I am praying for you and Mei Mei tonight, for God to soften her heart towards you. Hugs~
i can feel your pain from here. if you remember my china posting, my hubby became pretty much depressed there. he actually is STILL effected by that whole rejection there. by the time we hit chicago, he was on much better ground with her. she LOVES her baba now.
i know it's hard...i know, i know. the trip is so dang emotional i couldn't take it. remember when i locked myself in the bathroom and cried?
she will not think you are the "white devil" forever:) i promise you that.
1 thing that we did is had him offer her things she LOVED. like yogurt or cookies. the only way she could have the yogurt was to sit on his lap, ect. yes, it's parental manipulation, BUT remember you are not trying to get your daughter to "like" you...you are trying to get her to "trust" you.
ps. my hubby would be jealous of your hubby:) of course, i know how draining his role is too.
I wish I could say something that would make you feel better. Just know I am thinking of your whole family all of the time. I am cheering you on even if it is hard to feel cheerful :) Mei Mei looks so cute with her headband on! Those passport photo peeps are sticklers for the rules huh? Stay strong girl!
Oh M. I'm so sorry. I know, that you know, things will change. But knowing what will occur in the future doesn't take away the hurt in the now. I'm praying that God will graunt you peace, patience and joy in the little baby steps she is taking right now. Just think, someday when the time is right, you can use this as a guilt trip on her. JK, gots to find some humor somewhere. **Laura (Laura, your bff from home. I find that there are a lot of Laura's that comment out here.)
Girl I know this is hard, but I also know you are one strong woman. In fact you are "THE" woman for the job, just too many God confirmations, so don't let the enemy rob you with doubt and dismay. Be confident in the fact that you are her chosen mommy and she will be your little buddy much longer than she won't. (in other words the good times will out number the bad eventually)
Love-Tammy J
M,
I can NOT even imagine how hard this is for you!! I wish ya'll could just jump on the plane and head home and let her get in her new home and with her brother and sister but it will not be too much longer and you can. Stay strong friend and just keep on loving that baby girl with open arms and she will soon figure out that she has one of the BEST Mommies in the whole world! I LOVE the pictures, she is just adorable!! Praying and thinking about you......
By the way, as I go back and look through these pictures.....that dress she has on is too darn cute!!!! Love it! Yes I am still up and not done packing...LOL! {you knew that already}
I read about your adoption on Kim Wheeler's blog. We don't know each other but I want you to know that my family is praying for yours and sending good vibes your way. I hope all goes well with the rest of your China trip and that Mei Mei will continue to adjust to her new family smoothly. I can't imagine what she's thinking right now about all that she's had to go through...but when I look at the pictures of the two of you with her I can't help but think she at least can feel the love you have for her! Congratulations and good luck!
Just like Billie and Elaine said, to have your husband kiss you and hug you makes a world of difference. Kevin didn't care too much for me AT ALL. Duane would kiss me and hug me and give me things in front of Kevin and then Kevin wanted to give me a kiss and other things since his beloved BaBa had done so.
Again, yes this is really hard, she won't be this way forever, it just feels that way. She is still in so much shock it is hard to believe what she has gone through. You are doing everything right, keep the faith and stick to your guns.
Oh boy, oh honey, I am so sorry. I know you know all the blabitty blah about how normal and ok everything is and I also know it still sucks to be in the middle of the whole normal and okay super-sucking thing. You rock to be able to muster some sympathy for her when you're in such a tough position. We all know I tend to get a tad over-focused on ME when faced with a kid who's not doing thing my way.
It's ironic, but your posts about MeiMei are opening my heart about Rory and what she has gone through and is still going through (she's asking for her best friend from foster care every day now). Somehow seeing another child go through this gives me perspective. So thank you for writing, you're helping me--and a bunch of other people!
One thing I don't think anyone has said that I think will help--hope will--when she meets Little Miss and Wild Man, and falls in love with them, and sees how much THEY love you--that will help tell her that it's ok for her to love you, too. I wish I had more to offer.
I really wish I had more to say that could help. You must be--well, I won't put words to some of the things I am sure you are feeling right now, but I'm thinking of you, feeling them, and hoping maybe it will help to talk when you get home. Or skype now and dump a bunch, maybe--I'll turn my skype on in case you want to. My name is kryptonh.
XO KJ
I've been following your blog for awhile now, though I don't remember if I've ever posted. I just wanted to tell you that I'm praying for you and your entire family as you make this adjustment.
Also, you mentioned in a prior post that you thought you would regret the decision to put her in bed with you. I really, really don't think that you will. I think that you may have to do some things differently than you did with your own children in order to foster that attachment to you, especially since she's older (I think it would be different if you brought her home at a few days or few weeks old).
I also think that once you get home, she will be able to figure things out - right now, I'm sure it's very confusing for her. She'll likely love when she gets in the house with your older kids.
You also mentioned she doesn't want set down - have you considered baby wearing? I good wrap or MT will at least keep you hands free and it'll keep little miss happy and content b/c she is up. Also, it's another great way to bond with her.
Again, prayers go out to you and yours as you all adjust.
Although I've never adopted, I know that Mei Mei will connect. I also know how heartbreaking rejection from your child can be. Mei Mei is yours and soon Mei Mei will know you are hers. Once she feels safe, she'll open up and let you in. I know you know it, but it's always nice to hear again and again.
Good luck and God bless. My family and I will be praying for you, your family and your darling Mei Mei.
She WILL come around! I know it is crushing when you're in it though. Chloe would SCREAM if I even looked at her. I did not get to hold her once until our 2nd to last day in China and then only while I was feeding her Mango ice-cream. I did not get to sit with her on the plane rides home. I was across the isle trying not to look at her. I dreaded the first Monday we were home and dh had to go work. She was fine! As long as she couldn't see Daddy, she'd hang with me w/out crying. That was over two weeks from meeting her though. And within a month she liked me just as much as Daddy. I know how you feel right now excpet that I had my other kids in China with me to focus on while DH took care of Chloe. I can only imagine how much you must miss your other kids! Each day gets you closer to home and closer to her wanting to be with you. Best wishes,
Lisen
I know this little comment that I have to share is small potatoes, but I'm just catching up over the last few days events, and wanted to offer a little support on the whole 'hotel' thing. My kiddos 'get' to go stay in a hotel 4 or 5 times a year when we go visit our inlaws. Because they are so used to their routine at home, being away in a strange room with strange beds always throws them off. I have NEVER been able to get either one of them to sleep in the hotel's pack n play, so now I don't even bother trying. We get 2 queens and husband and I each sleep with one of them. They do great when they get home and back to their routine. Obviously MeiMei will have an adjustment to establish when she gets home to learn a new routine, but from then on, that will be home to her. Forever.
I'm so sorry that she is having trouble adjusting emotionally. What a blessing that she had such a connection to her foster parents! I know that doesn't make what you are experiencing easier on either one of you, but at least being cared for by good people in the beginning of her life will be part of her story.
My first daughter and I had a hard time bonding at the beginning and it was heartwrenching, but it did make that connection feel so much better once we finally 'clicked'. I will pray that the two of you will 'click' soon. Very soon.
Dear Wombles,
I just stumbled onto your blog {from Kim Wheeler's site} and felt compelled to assure you of a stranger's prayers. As an adoptive mom myself I know how it feels to finally have your family together. My family will be praying for you, especially in the coming days and weeks as MeiMei adjusts and gets to know and love you. Remember, it is during the most difficult times in our lives when the Lord is holding us closest to his Sacred Heart.
In Christ,
Amanda
I have only one word "M & M's" they might do the trick. Slip them to her everytime she looks your way. My 1st dd rejected her dad and he had to work hard to get her to trust him. We also had water up to the Hotel door last year just this time also and waded to the place for our physical exam. FUN !
OK, I wrote the other post before I read this. Sorry! Still, I would put her in the bed.
Listen, M, I was completely rejected in China too and once we got home at the hospital. It WAS AWFUL!!! It was the hardest part of all of it, even with her surgeries and stuff.
Just try to think of it like a total sacrifice on your part. Think of it how God loves us even when we don't love Him back. I know we are human so this is impossible, but He did give us Momma's hearts and I know you have a big one. Just keep doing what you are doing.
If The Chief finds some play deal (bubbles, whatever) and she expresses an interest, DO NOT let her have it/play w/ it unless you are helping her. W/ something like bubbles, she does not have to touch you or even really look at you. But she can see you in a new light. What was a real thing that worked for us in this aspect was fixing S's hair. I just had C actually put some bows in my hair! Seriously! As she watched, of course she wanted some, so then he gave the comb and hair stuff to me. I went over the mirror and just sort of waited. A few minutes later, here she came. I was finally able to touch her hair w/ out her screaming and jerking (Yes jerking) away. And we both really had fun. Lots of smiles.
So, if there is that one thing Mei Mei loves to play with; use it. And does she like sweets? BRIBE her w/ those. Offer them only from your hand while she sits on Baba's lap. It sound insensitive here, but you know what: this is their language right now.
Just today, S went to her "place" b/c I scolded her for eating a raisin off the floor at taekwondo. Gross! I know, but I couldn't stop her in time. She completely lost it and her face went to her "place" and she was so sad. I know it is b/c she knew hunger for so long, and probably gladly ate off the floor. Now she doesn't have to, but it is still hard and she remembers what it WAS like.
For Mei Mei, she remembers what it WAS like too. She is grieving and this is normal. And PLEASE don't compare to others. I have spent the better part of a year wondering why our trip couldn't have gone like all the others in our group. You know what though? I got home and read their blogs where they've shared of their own struggles and triumphs, and I realize most all of us have unique journeys.
God called YOU to be her Mama and no one else. He knew you are the one, and He is there with you.
Love and Prayers, L
Oh M. my heart is breaking for you. And you are being so wise and mature and understanding but I know you are so sad.
This will change. She has been through so much and it's just too much to accept two new strangers right now. She'll soon love you and cling to you and not want you out of her sight.
It will just take time. And remember, you have been given such a tremendous gift in knowing, without any doubt, that she was loved.
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