Dear You,

Yes, YOU.  YOU... the person I don't know in real life sitting behind the computer screen reading this little journal about our family. YOU... the smiling face I see in the hallway at church or the sweet girls who take care of me at the orthodontist. YOU... our dear and faithful friends who have loved us and those we've just met. YOU... our small group friends who we love like family. YOU... the pastor who stands behind the little round table at the church we love so dearly or the pastors who serve our family outside the limelight solely for the glory of God. YOU... yes, YOU. However we know you, this post is for you.

At this moment everyone else is sleeping and I am awake with my jet lagged thoughts. I may offend some of you with what is swirling around in my brain.  After the week I have experienced--for MANY different reasons--I'm ok with that. There is a burden upon my heart tonight and putting words on a page is the only way I know how to share it...

Today I experienced something outside my suburban box and I'm having a very difficult time putting it all in to words. Today I rode in a van for two hours to arrive at a well manicured concrete building. Today I waited patiently to be greeted by someone "official". Today I walked the halls past countless rooms with little beds. Today I saw the faces of beautiful and precious children...just like mine. Today I stared into their eyes and loved them from afar. Today I smiled at them and prayed over them. Today I held close to our new son and watched my oldest son's vision of the world change before him. Today we left in silence excluding the sounds of the ugly cry coming from yours truly. Today, against the desire of my heart, we walked away. Do you know how difficult it is to walk away?

Once you see their beautiful faces everything changes. EVERYTHING. CHANGES. They aren't statistics. They aren't part of one big number. They aren't someone else's problem. I've never felt that way--and if you know me in real life you know that--but when you are standing in the middle of their reality it is a life shattering reminder. Yes, I've seen it before when we adopted Mei Mei but the situation was different. Those children were at TCH with the anticipated future of being adopted. Yes, I walked away with a very heavy heart that September day but this feels different. These children are in an institution. BIG difference. These beautiful faces? What's the difference between our babies and these babies? The only difference is mine have the love of a family.  They have a support system of people who are pouring the love of Christ into their lives. These babies? What do they have? They have nothing. Did you hear me?

THEY. HAVE. NOTHING!!!!

Think about your job as a parent (if you are one--or plan to be one some day). Who knows these children inside and out? Who monitors if they've eaten all their fruits and veggies? Who makes sure they go to the Pediatrician so she can answer the laundry list of questions about immunizations and their daily intake of Vitamin D? Who buys them new shoes when they outgrow the ones they have? Who makes sure they read 30 minutes a day and play outside? Do you see how trivial those questions are based upon our very rich pampered lives? THESE THINGS ARE NOT IMPORTANT BECAUSE THEY DO NOT EXIST FOR THEM!!! Who shows them the love of Christ? Who kisses their boo-boo's? Who reads to them? Who sings to them as they fall asleep? Who do they search for in a crowd? Who runs behind them year after year until they finally learn to ride their bike at 8 and a half years old? Who holds loves them unconditionally even when their sassy side shows up? Who teaches them they are valued and loved and wonderfully made exactly the way God created them?  Who holds their lifeless bodies and prays over them when they are seizing in the back of a van in southern China?  WHO???? WHO TEACHES THEM???????

No one.

As a society we forget that 147 million orphans is not just a single number printed on a tshirt. Each number represents a life. The life of a child who is ALREADY HERE! A child who desperately needs someone... ANYONE... TO CARE!!! I am not one of those people who thinks adoption is for everyone.  Honestly, I don't.  However, I DO think that decision is between me and the Lord. Not me and my check book or my list of life goals or my pursuit of the American dream.

PLEASE do NOT assume a child who does not come from your own DNA will never be "YOUR" child. This little boy sleeping beside me? He IS my own. I don't share DNA with my husband but he's the greatest gift God has ever given me. He IS my own. I belong to a Heavenly Father who doesn't share my DNA. His word tells me He thinks of me as "His own". Boy am I thankful for that! PLEASE don't automatically assume adoption is for everyone else because it doesn't fit into YOUR plan. PLEASE don't assume because you can't give a child a new car and full college education that YOU are not a candidate. PLEASE do NOT think YOU can't afford it because YOU don't have enough zero's in your bank account (ask me how I know). PLEASE do not read my words and think they are for someone else. They aren't. They are for YOU. These children don't need Moms who drive the newest SUV, 13 years of elite private school tuition or degrees from Harvard. They don't need 100% organic food, their own private en suite bathroom and a childhood of violin lessons. They just need love. JUST LOVE.

Countless times I have heard "Oh, you are such a good person to adopt". What exactly does that mean? I love being a Mother. I gave up a career I loved to focus my attention solely upon my family.  There is no earthly title more sacred to me than that of wife and Mom. But. No, I'm not a good person. I have good days and bad just like everyone else. I have put my head on my pillow at night and known I failed miserably that day. I have called my inner circle more than once and declared with certainty that I may lose my mind. I can't keep up with my laundry to save my life.  I have yelled at my kids.  I have walked out the front door and ran circles in our cul-de-sac in order to keep my cool. I have crawled into the back of my closet and cried Charlie Brown tears while questioning if the Lord chose the right girl to be a wife and Mom of four. See? I am not perfect. I am NOT a good person. I'm just a girl who is continuously being taught about God's unconditional love and grace for me. The same unconditional love I try to share with everyone else (though I fail miserably at times like everyone else).

You see, these children of ours? They ARE grace. Isn't that what grace is? A gift you didn't deserve? Imperfect me didn't deserve them but the Creator of the universe believes in ME enough to entrust them to ME?  Those are some pretty big shoes to fill but imperfect me will do my best to fill them. Why? He signed me up and I willingly accepted.  Now, the question is, if He asked YOU what would you say?  Did He ask you?  Did you ask Him?  Were you listening for the answer? 

So, as a very imperfect wife of one compassionate and understanding husband and a mother of four beautiful and precious gifts from God, I am asking YOU. Not your neighbor, your old friend from high school or your friend who is a foster Mom. I am asking YOU. No, at this moment I am on my knees with tears streaming down my face begging you to care about these babies we left behind.  Will YOU care? Will YOU give this plea from the heart of a Mother more than just a one time scan and forget about it?

Maybe this morning while you are loading the dishwasher YOU could ask the Lord how YOU can help. Maybe this afternoon while your kids are resting YOU could take one minute and google foster care in your state. Maybe tonight after dinner YOU could simply mention the words adoption or fostering to your husband (and try to remain calm when he laughs or sighs at your suggestion). These babies aren't statistics. They aren't burdens to bare. They aren't the newest fad or charity case. They are CHILDREN!!  Beautiful, precious, fearfully and wonderfully made children exactly like the ones many of you already have. They are children I loved from afar and then I walked away. They deserve exactly what our children have now.  No, I'm not talking about stuff.  Who cares about stuff.  They need love, family, security and more importantly, a visible example of the love of our mountain moving God. They were born into their circumstances just like you and I.  They deserve someone to stand up and be their voice. So today amidst the blurry images in my mind of all I saw yesterday I'm going to do just that.  I'm going to ask you to do something you might never do otherwise. 

Today is my 34th birthday.  There is no shame in begging on your birthday, right?  Aside from having my girls here to celebrate with me, the greatest gift anyone could give me today is this simple prayer. "Lord, how can I help? How can I be YOUR hands and feet today?". Then listen intently for an answer.  If ONE child found a forever family because of those two little questions, this post was worth every birthday tear.  On behalf of the 300 children we left behind today and the millions more down the street and around the world...

tell me you'll pray about it...

think about it...

contemplate it...

consider sponsoring a child...

or maybe an orphanage...

or sponsor a lifesaving surgery for an orphan who needs it (just as a group of school children did for our own daughter with a wide smile)...

if you are certain adoption is not for your family, maybe you could help other families who have the desire to adopt make it happen...

Just tell me you'll do SOMETHING.  Tell me you'll be His hands and feet for the least of these.  Tell me we, as a society, will stop waiting on someone else to find a solution.  Tell me you'll choose to be part of it.  Isn't that who we are?  Isn't that who we claim to be?  Isn't that pure and undefiled religion?  Isn't that what is good and true and right?  Isn't that part of what serving the Lord means?  Loving, serving, listening and following His plan even if it doesn't make sense to the world? 

What if YOU are part of God's plan for one of these children? PLEASE don't miss out on the blessing that could be yours because it wasn't part of YOUR plan.  I am living proof that His plan for your life is ALWAYS bigger than your own.   

With a heavy heart,
M

{Note to my friend Karen who also happens to be my social worker: Please erase this image tarnishing post from your memory before my first PP report.  I really AM a good Mom even if I can't keep up with my laundry.  ;)}